CultureGeek

The Most Fun Movies of 2007

I'm not going to pretend that I can name the best movie of 2007. First of all, if you've been reading this blog for any period of time, you know that my tastes run more to "stuff blows up with snarky one-liners" than "great art and beauty." Sorry, folks. I'm just not that classy.

But I do know a good time when I see it, whether it's an emotional rollercoaster, a nail-biting creepfest or a giant robot stomping through southern California. So here's the movies that gave me the best ride this year:

I AM LEGEND. Yes, I still owe you the long review. The short version is that this movie's first hour is one of the finest hours of postapocalyptic horror I've ever seen, possibly THE interpretation of the end of the world. Will Smith deserves a gold statue for his portrayal of a scientist slowly going mad on a deserted Manhattan populated by zombie-vampires. The scene with the dog... just watch his face. Wow. The last third is another movie tacked onto this one, and I smell studio interference all over it, which stops this movie from being the best of the year.

THE INVASION. Shaddup. I loved it. It was horrifying on a personal and intellectual level, and raised questions that need to be asked whether or not we think it's trite to do so. It kept the paranoia level high, and the creep factor was undeniable.

1408. Almost a one-man show, John Cusack does well in the hotel room from hell. Despite a bit of final-act silliness, it lived up well to one of my favorite Stephen King stories. Paired with this is THE MIST, a similarly brilliant movie that completely fell apart in the last ten minutes. Almost, but not quite, perfect.

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. This series keeps getting darker, but this was a special outing: it made me like my least favorite book. Harry doesn't whine nearly as much on screen, and Imelda Staunton as the tee-hee harridan of Hogwarts was brilliant. Now we all know how it ends, but the fun is still in the journey.

Extra credit to TRANSFORMERS, which was entertaining even for an adult who never watched the TV show or played with the toys; LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, which just couldn't be as good as the third one without Samuel L. Jackson but did its best; RATATOUILLE and MEET THE ROBINSONS as passably fun kidfare; and PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END, which would have been perfect dark fantasy if not for the CGI Jacks driving me crazy.

Other movies I would nominate if I could see every movie that came out: HAIRSPRAY, which didn't spur me to fork over eight bucks but everyone else seemed to love it; THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM - I'm still a movie behind on that series, but I heard this one was amazing fun - and BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA, which held together well and didn't Hollywood the real-world conflict or the ending, to my pleasant surprise.

And my pick for the most fun movie of the year...

ENCHANTED. Beautifully sweet without being cloying, funny without being gross, a lighthearted look at fairytale love with a dose of reality to it. Whether you're a Disneyphile or a tired parent desperately seeking family movies without bodily functions, ENCHANTED's appeal was nearly universal. Amy Adams' performance as a true Disney Princess come to life deserves awards, and even the sourpusses who hate musicals, romantic comedies and fairytales can find something to enjoy here. This one gets the CultureGeek stamp of approval... and that of CultureGeek Jr.

It's amazing they don't let me vote for the Oscars, eh? Have a fun (but safe) New Year's Eve, and when we return in 2008, I'll have a slew of books and movies for you! After all, we've still got to entertain ourselves until the strike ends.

Happy New Year!

The Worst Movies of 2007

As 2007 draws to a close, it's time to reflect on the cinematic genius to which we've been subjected this year.

On the other hand, I could just slam the movies that stole my nine bucks.

SPIDER-MAN 3. It is with great sadness that I must report this movie to be a complete yawner. It was not the worst movie I paid to see, but it was the greatest disappointment. It made a fortune, but there was at least one villain too many and the final tragedy was one of the few times I've felt a death wasn't necessary to the denoument. I usually prefer it when the movie ends with a funeral, but in this case, it may have been Spidey's. I hope not. Sam Raimi, how about one more, just to redeem the franchise?

THE SEEKER. The books may be as marvelous as their fans protest, but the movie was predictable and dull, Harry Potter without the charm. To this one, I reluctantly award "Worst Movie I Paid to See."

Further Wastes of Celluloid (many nominated by Entertainment Weekly):

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS. Didn't see it. Couldn't pay me to do so. Take the charming rodents of my childhood and turn them into foul-talking critters inexplicably lusting after human women and toss in six bodily-function jokes in the promos alone. No thank you.

BECAUSE I SAID SO. Diane Keaton harangues her adult daughter toward marriage. Um. Yeah. Send it back to the 1950s, and Diane, what are you thinking?

EVENING. Vanessa Redgrave, Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Natasha Richardson, Claire Danes, Toni Collette and still they couldn't find a plot.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY. I forgot this one, blessedly so. Adam Sandler pretending to be gay for health insurance, if I remember correctly. Ah yes, homophobia is funny! I keep forgetting.

I KNOW WHO KILLED ME. Lindsay Lohan stars in torture porn as an exotic dancer who is actually a twin. Or something. The promos looked good, but EW says it deserved a mercy killing.

HANNIBAL RISING. "Shockingly lame" backstory of young Hannibal the Cannibal as simply misunderstood. Sorry, this series lost me at HANNIBAL's brains scene.

Other movies I would nominate if I had been willing to see them: MR. WOODCOCK, DADDY DAY CAMP, WILD HOGS and NORBIT. Each movie starred actors I truly like and enjoy: Billy Bob Thornton, Cuba Gooding Jr., Tim Allen, John Travolta, William H. Macy, Ray Liotta, even Eddie Murphy (hey, he used to be funny). Why, boys? The writers weren't even on strike yet!

Coming soon: The most fun movies of 2007!

Batman vs. Superman: Gotcha Last

Geeks everywhere shouted in glee at a most inappropriate moment: when Will Smith is moving across the dilapidated remains of Times Square in the postapocalyptic I AM LEGEND.

There on a billboard is a movie poster showing the iconic symbols of Batman and Superman intertwined, with a release date of 2009. Of course, the scene takes place in 2012, but that's three years after the world ended.

Fans leaped online to speculate that this was a sneaky way of announcing the long-fabled team-up of Batman and Superman, whose histories have been intertwined through the ages in comics. And yet other media have been hesitant to let the Caped Crusader and the Man of Steel join up. SMALLVILLE was skating that way several seasons ago, with a character clearly designed to be Bruce Wayne... but then they went a whooole other direction and promptly killed him off.

Will we live long enough to see the Dynamic Duo? Is DC planning to have them join forces in the near future? Before the world ends?

Sorry to report, it's just a gag. Director Francis Lawrence (a href="http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2007/12/03/batman-vs-superman-coming-in-2009-but-will-we-live-to-see-it/">confirmed in interviews that it was just screenwriter Akiva Goldman's idea of fun, not an announcement of a coming feature.

We should probably be happy about this, because while Goldman once wrote a failed Batman-Superman script, he also wrote BATMAN & ROBIN. Unknown if he was responsible for I AM LEGEND's ending. Back in 2002, Wolfgang Peterson was announced as the director for a Bat vs. Supe movie, which went nowhere after Peterson split to make TROY.

SUPERMAN RETURNS was a bit of a disappointment to fans and critics and while it made its money, it was scarcely the juggernaut the world expected. I personally have faith; it's Bryan Singer at the helm, and while the first X-Men movie was rather disappointing, the second one blew me out of the water. (The third, alas, was victim to the departures of Singer and James Marsden to the Boy Scout, and counts as one of the great missed opportunities of this decade in the realm of film.)

Now it seems there may not be a second Superman movie. It's been put on indefinite hold. Meanwhile, BATMAN BEGINS was a huge success and buzz for its sequel, THE DARK KNIGHT, is rising faster than a Batplane. Meanwhile, a Justice League movie is in preproduction, which is slated for 2009 with director George Miller.

(Amazingly, the casting debate in fandom actually includes recasting the big boys. What, they don't think they can get Christian Bale and Brandon Routh on the same set? I'd pay my eight bucks to see that. In fact, I think it's an astoundingly stupid move to recast these two. But they've already cast a stick-thin Australian supermodel as Wonder Woman, so what does that tell you?*)

But then again, this is the franchise that let SUPERMAN IV happen, that decided to kill Batman** in the comics and had to be talked out of killing ALL their major heroes in the latest Crisis on Infinite Crossovers. Tell me again why I call myself a fan?

* Upcoming rant: stick-thin women who've never lifted a barbell hired to play physically powerful heroines.
** Yes, I'm still bitter and hoping they change their minds.

TVGeek: Holiday Offerings

Christmas Eve is a tough one. If you're not doing family stuff, you're going to have to choose between Jimmy Stewart, Ralphie the Kid, the Grinch, Ebenezer Scrooge and Cary Grant, and that's not even including a creepy motion-capture Tom Hanks.

Here's the prime-time offerings today and tomorrow. While I'd always recommend shutting off the TV and spending time with family, a well-timed holiday movie might keep you from strangling your relatives with curling ribbon. Especially for those of you alone or slaving away on this holiday, a dose of Christmas cheer:

• IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE, 7 p.m. Monday, Channel 5
• A CHRISTMAS STORY, 7 p.m. Monday, Channel 6 (repeated)
• HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS (original), 7 p.m. Monday, Channel 12; followed by MADAGASCAR
• A CHRISTMAS CAROL, 7 p.m. Monday, AMC (followed by SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE)
• THE POLAR EXPRESS, 7:30 p.m. Monday, ABCFamily
• THE SANTA CLAUSE 2, 7 p.m. Monday, Disney Channel
• THE BISHOP'S WIFE, 7 p.m. Monday, TCM
• HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK, 8 p.m. Monday, Fox Movie Channel

• PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL, 7 p.m. Tuesday, Channel 12
• ELF, 8 p.m. Tuesday, USA
• FORREST GUMP, 7 p.m. Tuesday, A&E
• THE INCREDIBLES, 7:30 p.m., ABCFamily
• MICKEY'S ONCE UPON A CHRISTMAS, 7:15 p.m., Disney Channel
• KING OF KINGS, 7 p.m., TCM
• HOME ALONE, 7 p.m., FX
• MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET (remake), 7 p.m., Fox Movie Channel

A wonderful holiday to all our terrific readers, with cheers and waves from CultureGeek!

TVGeek: Weekend TV

What, don't you want to eat fruitcake with the relatives? Well, if you're looking for a way to preserve holiday cheer without diving headfirst into the eggnog, here's some stuff the whole family can watch.

Among TV's holiday primetime offerings:

• WHITE CHRISTMAS, 7 p.m. Friday, Channel 7
• "A Home for the Holidays," an adoption special, 7 p.m. Friday, Channel 4
• JINGLE ALL THE WAY, 8:45 p.m. Friday, TNT
• HOME ALONE, 7 p.m. Friday, FX
• EDWARD SCISSORHANDS, 7 p.m. Friday, Fox Movie Channel

• ELF, 7 p.m. Saturday, Channel 4
• NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION, 7 p.m. Saturday, Channel 6 (repeated at 8:45 p.m.)
• LEMONY SNICKET, 7 p.m. Saturday, Channel 2
• A CHRISTMAS CAROL (Alastair Sim), 7 p.m. Saturday, Channel 24
• THE WIZARD OF OZ, 6 p.m. Saturday, TNT (repeated at 8:15 p.m.)
• THE INCREDIBLES, 7 p.m. Saturday, ABCFamily (repeated at 9:30)
• ARE WE THERE YET?, 7 p.m. Saturday, FX
• HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK, 7 p.m. Saturday, Fox Movie Channel

• SPIDER-MAN 2, 6:30 p.m. Sunday, Channel 2
• SHREK, 7 p.m. Sunday, TNT (repeated 8:30)
• HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS (Jim Carrey), 6 p.m. Sunday, ABCFamily (repeated)
• THE POLAR EXPRESS, 7 p.m. Sunday, Disney Channel
• THE STAND, miniseries marathon, 2-10 p.m. Sunday, Sci Fi Channel*

Have a good weekend, folks!

* As an eagle-eyed viewer has pointed out, this is NOT a family movie. The world sort of ends, and the stuff after is even messier. Sorry! I guess MY family's just "special."

ChristmasGeek: A Christmas Carol

I think no holiday story is as frequently remade - or lampooned - as Charles Dickens' immortal "A Christmas Carol in Prose, Being a Ghost Story of Christmas." That's the real title, according to Wikipedia.

Originally written as a throwaway to help Dickens get out of debt, it has been made into no less than 17 movies and 32 TV specials and "adaptations," such as "A Keaton Christmas Carol" for FAMILY TIES and "A Solstice Carol" for XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS. I wonder what Dickens would say.

You know the story. Ebenezer Scrooge is a mean old miser, and on Christmas Eve is visited by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come. Through them, he sees the things in his past he has forgotten, things happening now of which he is unaware, and the inevitable future if he does not change his ways.

Of course, the book is filled with Dickens' favorite themes of social injustice and poverty, which is probably one of the reasons it continues to resonate today. We all know a Scrooge - oh, maybe not one hunched over a cold furnace because he's too cheap to put on the coal, but there's someone who has much and shares little that you know, or know of.

Wikipedia lists the earliest adaptation of A CHRISTMAS CAROL as the 1908 attempt by Thomas Edison. Lionel Barrymore did a radio adaptation in the 1930s. Alastair Sim and George C. Scott are perhaps the best-known Scrooges. Patrick Stewart adapted it into a one-man show, in which he played all the characters. It was adapted into a 1999 TV-movie, for which he was nominated for a Screen Actors Guild award.

Everyone from the Muppets to the Flintstones to Mr. Magoo, Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny has done this one, not including countless theatrical productions and even two operas. There have been eight attempts at sequels and I won't even go into the parodies (Beavis and Butthead? I shudder.)

My personal favorite, I must admit, is Bill Murray's SCROOGED. Yeah, kids today won't get the Mary Lou Retton gag, but who cares? The only off spot for me is the unfunny Bobcat Goldthwait as a crazed ex-employee. The rest of it is accessible for modern audiences, funny and touching at the right moments, and seems to really grasp the soul of the story.

(Yes, at one point they call it, "Charles Dickens' immortal SCROOGE." I forgive them.)

As to the classic Scrooges, I would not presume to choose between Mr. Sim, Mr. Scott and Mr. Stewart. That way lies madness. You all feel free to state your preferences. In case you're wondering, Michael Caine was Scrooge in the Muppet version.

But guess what? There's another one coming. A 3-D animated capture (just as creepy as POLAR EXPRESS!) starring Jim Carrey in several of the roles, directed by Robert Zemeckis, who just will not be happy until he creates a Christmas classic. Let us pray now and at the hour of our (endless) remakes.

ChristmasGeek: The TV Classics

Let's just get this straight now, okay?

Boris Karloff is the Grinch. Not Jim Carrey.

My son disagrees with me, but that's because he's a space alien. Not literally. I realized that he cannot help being a space alien, because his first contact with Bugs Bunny was in LOONEY TUNES: BACK IN ACTION instead of the cartoons now safely ensconced in $50 DVDs.

Nevertheless, it is incumbent upon us to make sure our children are exposed to the holiday classics, not the abominations passed off as remakes. That means the cartoon versions of HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS and THE CAT IN THE HAT, folks. Compare FROSTY THE SNOWMAN with the far less charming FROSTY RETURNS, and you'll see what I mean.

There's no point in doing actual reviews. You've seen the Trinity (no, not that one): Frosty, Rudolph and the Grinch, with extra credit for Charlie Brown.

"That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown." Yup. There ya go.

TVGeek: Dead Zone, RIP

It is with sadness, but no real surprise, that I report to you the death of THE DEAD ZONE.

Catching up on this fall's episodes as my regular shows went off the air, it became suddenly clear to me that this show went completely off the rails in a manner more sudden and shocking than any I've seen since THE WEST WING. Some shows gradually die off, flagging the same plots over and over (ER, anyone?). But some shows jump the shark spectacularly - MOONLIGHTING is one of the biggest examples.

Once Walt Bannerman died, everything that was worth watching about THE DEAD ZONE was gone.

Throughout this season, nemesis Greg Stilson suddenly became a good guy, a decent vice president with an annoying murder habit the writers completely forgot. Johnny and Sarah's rekindled love story was not only an insult to Walt's memory, but to the intelligence of the viewers.

Worse to me was Sarah's devolution from an intelligent, capable woman who was an equal partner to Walt and friend to Johnny into a whining, useless pile of fluff who had to move in with Johnny because she couldn't figure out how to assemble a crib. Or something like that.

Then they took Walt, whose by-the-book integrity was ruler-straight throughout the seasons, and tried to make us believe he was dirty and had a deep dark secret he was keeping from Sarah and Johnny. We limped along with this annoying arc for untold episodes, and suddenly Saint Stilson waved his magic hand and made it all go away!

The secret, when it is revealed, is barely an episode's worth of drama. It was almost worth it for the scene where Johnny confronts Purdy, who really WAS the secret-keeper. His fury at Purdy's betrayal is heart-rending and a display of Anthony Michael Hall's real skill as an actor.

But really, when Walt died they also sent away Purdy (whose crisis of faith was fascinating and gave David Ogden Stiers a chance to stretch) and Bruce, who was the moral compass and sidekick every hero needs. They left us with a lobotomized version of Johnny, Sarah and NewSheriff, who wasn't interesting enough to sustain us through more than one episode.

I am not surprised that USA pulled the plug, given that they also killed THE 4400, which by all reports hadn't even approached shark-infested waters yet. This year was a complete failure for THE DEAD ZONE. The finale was the only breath of the real show, as they attempted to undo some of the insanity: the return of Purdy, Stilson turns evil again (I told you so!), confirmation that J.J. has inherited Johnny's abilities and Tom Skerritt as Johnny's undead-dead father.

This was the detour season, but that final episode gave me hope. Unfortunately, we will never know how the apocalypse is prevented, and we will never see the final confrontation between Johnny and Stilson. We all read the book and saw the Christopher Walken movie; we know how it has to end. But I was looking forward to watching Johnny's journey to that point.

Here's hoping USA has a heart and lets Shawn Piller do a TV-movie to wrap things up. We've lived and suffered with Johnny Smith too long to let it go out on a cliffhanger. Johnny's journey, while uneven, has been a ride worth taking, about far more than a psychic who solves crimes: it's about faith, and love, and a greater purpose beyond our own selfish existence. All of it underscored by Hall's wry sense of humor and nuanced skill as an actor.

USA: Let them wrap up DEAD ZONE the way it needs to end. Then we'll forgive you for THE 4400.

ChristmasGeek: It's a Wonderful Life

I admit it: I cry like a little girl every time.

The end of IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. Seen so many times it’s a cliché. It’s the hokey ending that solves all the problems in one beautiful bow, the sort of thing that never happens in real life. From his barstool on “Cheers,” Norm (George Wendt) grouses that during the many times in his life he’s been in trouble, no one ever came to his door with a sackful of cash to bail him out.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE is certainly dated, if that is a crime. It has its flaws of logic and characterization – for all Mary’s strength and self-assuredness in the original timeline, where is it in the alternate timeline? Are we to assume that her strength came only from her husband, when she certainly showed it long before she became Mrs. George Bailey? Instead she becomes a fainting, fearful spinster.

Is it logical that the good people of Bedford Falls would have become a seedy crowd of rabble-rousing drunkards without a Bailey Building and Loan? While privation and grief would certainly change a person, is it likely that every single resident would become an angry, suspicious, hateful wretch?

I can live with these issues.

My main problem with the story has always been Potter. He gets away with $8,000, essentially framing George Bailey for his own accidental embezzlement. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE solved that one for us – five minutes after the movie ends, they say, Uncle Billy remembers where the money went and the whole crowd storms over to Potter’s mansion to beat the heck out of him. Catharsis.

But this movie is more than the Frank Capra Vaseline-on-the-camera-lens glorification of small-town American life that the world has made it to be. Watch carefully: the people of Bedford Falls are not perfect. Mr. Gower did, in fact, come close to killing a patient. The bank president and the Building and Loan trustees kowtow to Potter and essentially hand over the town to him.

George’s brother Harry goes off to his perfect life and reneges on his promise to George. Mary plays a few games of her own to try to “catch” George. The friendly citizens were all too quick to turn on poor George Bailey when they thought their money might be in jeopardy during the Depression. Sam Wainwright is obnoxious and full of himself. Uncle Billy… do I even need to say that Billy should never be in any kind of financial position of power or influence?

Even our hero George, when faced with the final adversity, takes it out on his family in harsh, hurtful words and a fit of temper. He's also a drunk driver, crashing his car into the tree in a sodden stupor, lucky not to kill himself or anyone else.

But it’s that very depth of character that makes this movie real. Small towns are never full of saints – there’s ugliness and cruelty and selfishness, the same as in large towns and cities. Modern American cinema has made an entire genre out of displaying the two-faced darkness of suburbia, whether it’s for laughs (THE 'BURBS) or ennui (AMERICAN BEAUTY or outright horror (THE STEPFORD WIVES, ARLINGTON ROAD, more that I could name).

Once upon a time, I could enjoy IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE for the beauty of Frank Capra’s vision, and the incredible performance of Jimmy Stewart. Playing a character from his youthful exuberance to the crestfallen young man to the exhausted father to the bitter man on the brink of suicide, and back again. I am floored by his expert portrayal every time. We forget that clichés begin with something truly memorable, so good that it is repeated and imitated and finally lampooned into meaninglessness.

But now, it’s Norm on his barstool who comes to mind as I watch the money spill out on the table in George Bailey’s living room. Norm, who grouses into his beer that no one ever came to his rescue. Because there have been times in my life when I was in dire straits, financially or personally, and felt helpless and alone. Haven't we all? Isn't that the real universal truth - we have all been George Bailey at some point, trapped not by the circumstances of our birth, but by the very things and people we love?

And yet the town shows up, with a (metaphorical) sackful of cash.

It’s not the money that brings tears to our eyes, is it? It’s the whole town, gathered in one room, celebrating the importance one man had to their lives. It’s the sense of a community banding together around one of its own, not out of pity, but out of joy and friendship and charity in the true sense of the word. Together we are more than we are alone.

My one regret is that I cannot gather my personal angels into a room, playing carols on the piano and drinking wine. My angels, like yours, are scattered across the country. But rest assured, somewhere a bell rings for them. If Clarence is right, no man is a failure who has friends. That makes me the richest woman in town.

Geek News - with bulletin from Middle-Earth!

And throughout Middle-Earth, there was much rejoicing. Entertainment Weekly reports that New Line and Peter Jackson have sent each other fruit baskets, kissed and made up. THE HOBBIT is a go at last and production begins immediately for a 2010 release with Jackson producing, but it looks like he's going to pass up the director's spot. There is no script adaptation, though, which means they'll have to do some tapdancing around the strike. Paging Gandalf to the mediation table.

The success of the peanut campaign that brought back JERICHO has spurred a remarkable new trend: mail things to the studios when you don't like their decisions! As WGA supporters mail pencils to the AMPTP, fans of the best new show on TV, JOURNEYMAN, are mailing Rice-a-Roni to NBC. Many are attaching creative "letters from the future," ostensibly about the decline of Western civilization after this terrific show was canceled.* Why Rice-a-Roni? Hey, it's the San Francisco treat!

In the category of "People Who Have Too Much Time On Their Hands And Thank God For It," someone has collected seven minutes worth of lame David Caruso one-liners from opening sequences of CSI: MIAMI.** It wears thin after a few minutes and a few at the end are less funny, but it's worth your time. Of course, I never pass up a chance to mock CSI or David Caruso, but it's absolutely hilarious to see him putting on and taking off his glasses over and over, delivering lame snark and obvious observations as the scream of the opening song goes "Yeaaaaah!" in between each one. Hee! There's also the shorter Sunglasses Edition. Double hee!

Sorry, the WGA is not making an exception for the Oscars or the Golden Globes. All those presenters are going to have to make up their own banter. This actually may be an improvement. As blogger Yendi points out, if the people writing the last few years are in the WGA, they should be kicked out. I'm sad to say they may not legally be allowed to use clips in the Oscar telecast, either. As Associated Press's Alex Billington wrote, "An Oscars show without clips would be like a basketball game without basketball." Hey, maybe they'll do a dance number. P.S. Jon Stewart is hosting the Oscars. At least there's one guy who knows how to be funny on his feet.

The Onion has nominated its picks for worst films of 2007. They are, in order: NORBIT, EPIC MOVIE, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS (not the Heston; an alleged CGI version that looks like "The Sims Do the Bible"), GOOD LUCK CHUCK, SYDNEY WHITE, DADDY DAY CAMP, LIONS FOR LAMBS (hey!), GEORGIA RULE, ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE (HEY!!!), THE NUMBER 23, SMOKIN ACES, REVOLVER, WILD HOGS, WHAT WOULD JESUS BUY?, THE SALON, THE SEEKER (sadly agreed). Some of these movies I have thankfully never heard of, and I've Heyed the ones I'd still give a shot.

* It is NOT canceled yet, but a full season has not been ordered. Save this show!
** Warning: Some of CSI's trademark gross deaths are seen in the video.