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ComicGeek: Long Road to Midnight

Fans of Stephen King and his Dark Tower series will be able to ring in the new book next week at a local comic shop.

King's Dark Tower comic series is part of Marvel's ongoing effort to bring in noted fiction authors as comic writers. King, Orson Scott Card, Laurell K. Hamilton and others familiar to the New York Times bestseller lists are penning a different kind of story, and it's raking in the dough for Marvel. An expansion on the original book series, it differs from Hamilton's Anita Blake effort in that it's not a comic reissue of the same story.*

The next arc in the story is DARK TOWER: THE LONG ROAD HOME, penned by the great Peter David, and it hits bookstores on March 4.

Participating comic stores will hold midnight releaese parties, and two of them are right here in the metro-east:

WHERE: Hometown Comics and Games, 110 E. Vandalia, Edwardsville
WHEN: 9 p.m.-midnight March 4
EVENTS: Trivia contest, food, guaranteed first-printing issue, 20 percent discount for party attendees
CONTACT: 618-655-0707

WHERE: Twilight Gaming and Comics, 3760 Green Mount Crossing Drive, Shiloh
WHEN: 9 p.m.-midnight
EVENTS: King movies all evening, trivia, attendance prizes, food, drawing for limited editions
CONTACT: 618-622-0085

What's the big deal? Twilight Gaming and Comics reports that when the first Dark Tower series premiered, 150 people showed up at midnight. The only thing close to it, they said, was when Superman died. That was like a Harry Potter premiere: 600 copies sold out in 12 minutes, even with a limit of one copy per person.

If you don't live in the area, you can still find a local shop among the 80 participating. St. Louis residents: there are shops in Ballwin and St. Charles on the list, but not Fantasy Shop or Star Clipper.

* Latest news is that Hamilton will write a prequel to the Anita series titled FIRST DEATH, which will stand apart from the comic miniseries.

Movie Quote Contest results!

I have to say, the online editor at the News-Democrat got absolutely slammed with your guesses. I am impressed, folks. I threw some really obscure stuff in between the stuff every FIREFLY fan has memorized. And yet twelve were guessed within an hour! By now, only one remains unguessed! Next time I'm going to have to pick some REALLY obscure stuff.

(Unless you all were Googling. Naughty.)

Here are the results:

1. "Every piece of this is man's [expletive]. They call this war a cloud over the land, but they made the weather. Then they stand in the rain and say, '[Expletive], it's raining!'"

COLD MOUNTAIN, as guessed by Andrew. And it works a whole lot better with the curse words and Renee Zellweger's delivery, so I'd suggest renting the movie or looking it up on YouTube.

2. "Coal into the furnace, Henry. I've been doing this for thirty-five years. Every day you still start from zero."

THE PAPER, as guessed by Jason and spoken with weary resignation by the incomparable Robert Duvall. I've found that this movie is the best representation of daily newspaper life ever, though it does compile all the "highs" of a career into one day. But you know, sometimes that's the way it happens. You wake up, face life-or-death disastrous decisions, change lives and go to sleep. Then the next day, you do it again.

3. "Walking wounded, carry the stretcher cases."

NOISES OFF, as guessed by David Tyler. This is quite simply the funniest movie I've ever seen. Maybe it only makes you laugh until soda comes out your nose if you've ever been in the theater. Or maybe it's that a movie starring Michael Caine, Carol Burnett, Christopher Reeve, Marilu Henner, John Ritter, Desmond Llewellyn, Julie Hagarty, and even more can't help but be funny. This was still pretty dang obscure, Mr. Tyler.

4. Character A: "Are you this stupid, or did you take lessons?"
Character B: "I took lessons!"

This hilarious interchange between Geena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson was from THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT, as guessed by Andrew. I guess I kind of tipped my hand on that, since I referenced it in "The Jackson 25" last week. This movie was much better than it had any right to be.

5. "The higher I go, the crookeder it gets."

THE GODFATHER, PART III. What, did nobody watch it but me? Okay, it wasn't as good as the first two. But talk about your high expectations! Watch this movie again, people. Then pretend Sofia Coppola isn't in the movie. In your mind, replace her with someone who can act. Hey, they had Julia Roberts, then Winona Ryder for it, but both bowed out before filming began. Watch Andy Garcia simmer the roof off the Corleone house, embodying the very spirit of James Caan's Sonny. Watch Al Pacino struggle through the denouement of the character he made immortal, a performance that screams Oscar every time I see it. Sofia Coppola went on to become a talented director. Cut this movie a little slack.

6. "Yes, they deserved to die, and I hope they burn in hell!"

A TIME TO KILL, as guessed by Michael Phillips and shouted with his trademark rage by Samuel L. Jackson. This was actually Grisham's first novel, and I consider it a far superior story with better characters and structure than THE FIRM, the runaway bestseller that made Grisham a household name.

7. "A toast? Yeah. To high treason. That's what these men were committing when they signed the Declaration. Had we lost the war, they would have been hanged, beheaded, drawn and quartered and... Oh! Oh, my personal favorite: had their entrails cut out and burned. So... here's to the men who did what was considered wrong, in order to do what they knew was right."

This marvelous speech comes from NATIONAL TREASURE, as guessed by Chris, in which Nicolas Cage not-so-subtly apologizes in advance for his impending theft of the Declaration of Independence. The TREASURE movies may be silly action romps, but they're written by someone with a patriotic, geeky heart.

8. "We had a nice couple of minutes together. She threatened me, I patronized her. Didn't have anything to eat, but I thought there was a connection."

THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, as guessed by Jason. It's hard to quote anything from Aaron Sorkin's pen - he's so good, it just shines off the screen into quotability.

9. "The beauty of American arrogance is that they cannot imagine a world in which they are not a step ahead."

Okay, this was a trick question. But Sabrina guessed it: VANTAGE POINT, which just came out in theaters last week. Yeah, I owe you a review. 'Fess up, Sabrina: did you Google? Because that's really obscure. I am impressed.

10. "Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out... and then it was nice. It was like just before the sun goes to bed down on the bayou. There was always a million sparkles on the water... like that mountain lake. It was so clear, it looked like there were two skies, one on top of the other. And then in the desert, when the sun comes up, I couldn't tell where heaven stopped and the earth began. It's so beautiful."

This lovely speech, practically the longest he makes in the movie, is from the incomparable FORREST GUMP, as guessed by Dawn. It was hard to find a quote from this movie that wasn't an automatic gimme.

11. "Is someone out there? Open this door, please! Come on. I can't breathe! If you can hear me, open this door... I swear on my life I didn't take the master's horse! OPEN THIS DOOR, OR I'LL BREAK THROUGH IT AND GRAB YOU!"

Yikes. That chiller is from THE SIXTH SENSE, as guessed by Meri. You don't have to see the ghost for it to scare the pants off you.

12. "Let me explain something to you, Mr. Weathers. Through the vicissitudes of wholly gratuitous genetic accidents, I was visited with extremely high intelligence. I was further blessed - or burdened, as it were - with certain physical traits that would suggest, shall we say, 'good breeding.' Now, in this proletarian stew which we laughingly call society, these attributes are not always advantageous."

This elitist snobfest is from the always-brilliant John Hurt in FROM THE HIP, a rather obscure 1980s comedy-drama often overlooked by, um, everybody except me. That's why I was so surprised when Phil C. guessed it. It's an uneven movie - all highjinks and silliness for the first half, then it takes a sharp left turn into real darkness. Hurt is the best part of the movie. Netflix it, and you'll see what I mean.

13. "What are you gonna do about it? You think anyone's gonna believe you? You think anyone is gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me around here. I'm a swell guy. You're a lying sack of [expletive] and everybody knows it. Oh, you're a tough guy. Hey c'mon. Get on your feet, pal. Let's find out how tough you are. I wanna know right now how tough you are."

JAGreen gets it right off the bat: THE BREAKFAST CLUB. Another movie almost impossible to quote, since everyone who went to high school before 1995 has it memorized.

14. "Do you wanna put that in English for those of us who don't speak spy?"

Becky guessed it was a James Bond movie, but Meri supplied the title: THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH. I did not hate Christmas Jones as much as Pussy Galore, people. Sorry. Her name may be a build-up to an obvious, silly joke, but Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist is not much of a stretch in a series where Bond changes faces five times, Felix Lighter changes his race twice and survives being partially eaten by sharks, and a man can jump off a cliff and catch up to a falling plane. I mean, c'mon.

15. "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for."

DEAD POETS SOCIETY, as guessed by Jason. Raise your hand if this movie changed your life as a teenager.

16. "Sometimes angels must rush in where fools fear to tread."

THE BISHOP'S WIFE, as guessed by Michael Phillips. I've already come out of the tinsel closet by revealing this to be one of my favorite Christmas movies.

17. "The point is, you are alive when they start to eat you."

Jilly_bear first guessed SERENITY, as that's an apt description of the Reavers. But then realized it's JURASSIC PARK, from Sam Neill's description of the velociraptors. Yum.

18. "You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die."

CASABLANCA, as guessed by Jason. My diatribe on CASABLANCA as the most nearly-flawless movie in history, along with why Victor Laslo is a better man than Rick Blaine, will have to wait for another day.

19. "Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck 'til some idiot killed it."

SERENITY, as guessed by Jilly_bear and near-simultaneously by Anchan, within twenty minutes of my original post. You can't fool a Browncoat. It, of course, was followed by Mal's aside to Inara: "Yes, I've read a poem, try not to faint." Hee.

20. "Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot."

THE LAST ACTION HERO, as guessed by Dawn. Yes, the whole movie is like that. Dear Hollywood: when you want to spoof a genre, this is how you do it. Not SCARY MOVIE and other such nonsense. Go look this up and ignore how much it made at the box office.

There you have it. You guys are quote geniuses. Next time I'll have to get really obscure.

Colbopoly!

Yes, folks, it's happened. All that was needed to turn around this international pinfest: Stephen Colbert mentioned the International Monopoly on last night's show. It was part of the threatdown, along with Virgin Airlines, Sharper Image's bankruptcy, John McCain and Starbucks.

As Colbert denounced both the unfairly "international" aspect of International Monopoly and the lack of Colbopoly, however, he also left off a very important detail: exactly where did you first hear about International Monopoly, sir? I'm sure it wasn't the New York Times.

A press release from Hasbro, perhaps? Or the blog of Peter David, writer of stuff, from whom I nabbed it?

No, I think the answer is clear.

Stephen Colbert reads CultureGeek. In secret.

It's okay, Stephen. You can come out of the closet. We will welcome you. You have the shield of Captain America up on your wall, you are clearly a geek of Kryptonian proportions. One of us. Resistance is futile.

And we're still voting for St. Louis.

MovieGeek: Quote Unquote

It's audience participation time!

Amazing how a quote can stay in your mind long after the lights come up in the theater. Some of them stick around for all eternity, like Rhett's parting line to Scarlett, or a frustrated "I coulda been a contender!" If I put together a quiz with lines like "May the Force be with you" or "Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings," you would thump me over the head, and rightfully so.

But here's a collection from some movies that I've enjoyed. Taken out of context, can you name them all? I'll edit this entry as each one is guessed. How long will it take? Let's see!

EDIT: At one hour and four minutes, twelve have been guessed! The Firefly quote was a gimme - is there any line in that movie we geeks don't have memorized? Sorry, only the first guesser gets credit or I'd be here all night. :) C'mon, eight to go! (At least two, none of you will get, guaranteed. No fair Googling!)

QUOTE:

1. Every piece of this is man's [expletive]. They call this war a cloud over the land, but they made the weather. Then they stand in the rain and say, "[Expletive], it's raining!"

COLD MOUNTAIN, as guessed by Andrew

2. Coal into the furnace, Henry. I've been at this for thirty-five years. Every day you still start from zero.

THE PAPER, as guessed by Jason

3. Walking wounded, carry the stretcher cases.

4. Character A: Are you this stupid or did you take lessons?
Character B: I took lessons!

THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT, as guessed by Andrew

5. The higher I go, the crookeder it gets.

6. Yes, they deserved to die, and I hope they burn in hell.

A TIME TO KILL, as guessed by Michael Phillips

7. A toast? Yeah. To high treason. That's what these men were committing when they signed the Declaration. Had we lost the war, they would have been hanged, beheaded, drawn and quartered, and... Oh! Oh, my personal favorite: had their entrails cut out and burned. So... here's to the men who did what was considered wrong, in order to do what they knew was right.

8. We had a nice couple of minutes together. She threatened me, I patronized her. Didn't have anything to eat, but I thought there was a connection.

THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, as guessed by Jason

9. The beauty of American arrogance is that they cannot imagine a world in which they are not a step ahead.

10. Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out... and then it was nice. It was like just before the sun goes to bed down on the bayou. There was always a million sparkles on the water... like that mountain lake. It was so clear, it looked like there were two skies one on top of the other. And then in the desert, when the sun comes up, I couldn't tell where heaven stopped and the earth began. It's so beautiful.

FORREST GUMP, as guessed by Dawn

11. Is someone out there? Open this door, please! Come on. I can't breathe! If you can hear me, open this door... I swear on my life I didn't take the master's horse! OPEN THIS DOOR, OR I'LL BREAK THROUGH IT AND GRAB YOU!

12. Let me explain something to you, Mr. Weathers. Through the vicissitudes of wholly gratuitous genetic accidents, I was visited with extremely high intelligence. I was further blessed - or burdened, as it were - with certain physical traits that would suggest, shall we say, "good breeding." Now, in this proletarian stew which we laughingly call society, these attributes are not always advantageous.

13. What are you gonna do about it? You think anyone's gonna believe you? You think anyone is gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me around here. I'm a swell guy. You're a lying sack of [expletive] and everybody knows it. Oh, you're a tough guy. Hey c'mon. Get on your feet, pal. Let's find out how tough you are. I wanna know right now how tough you are

14. Do you wanna put that in English for those of us who don't speak spy?

15. We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

DEAD POETS SOCIETY, as guessed by Jason

16. Sometimes angels must rush in where fools fear to tread.

THE BISHOP'S WIFE, as guessed by Michael Phillips

17. The point is, you are alive when they start to eat you.

JURASSIC PARK, as chomped by Jilly_bear

18. You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die.

CASABLANCA, as guessed by Jason

19. Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck, 'til some idiot killed it.

SERENITY, as guessed by Jilly_bear

20. Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot.

THE LAST ACTION HERO, as guessed by Dawn

World's Top City: Not Constantinople

All right, people. Time for a little rank, uncensored, mindless patriotism. Why not! It's an election year!

The Hasbro people are putting together the first-ever international Monopoly, and they're letting us all vote on the inclusion and placement of each city. You get to vote once a day, and they swear not to spam you. (This, folks, is why I have a throwaway email account. Recommended for all. Hotmail and Yahoo are free!)

You can choose from the leading cities, or wild-card nominate one. Since St. Louis wasn't on the list, I took the liberty of nominating us. Since we are, in fact, the coolest city in the U.S., I'd love to see all my CultureGeek minions - er, loyal readers - go forth and join me in nominating St. Louis, so we can get ourselves on the map.*

Here's the problem, though. They've taken away the leaderboard, so we can't see who's winning. But author/blogger Peter David reports that as of a couple days ago, New York City was relegated to the yellow section and Las Vegas is somewhere around Baltic Avenue.

Who's in the Broadway spot? Istanbul.

"Personally, I think this is an abysmal state of affairs," David writes. "Istanbul the number one city of international Monopoly? The best thing one can say about Istanbul is that it's a catchy song covered by 'They Might Be Giants.' But 'New York, New York' is practically an anthem."

Turkey has apparently taken this on as a mission. The Turks, they can work together. But as David points out, there's 70 million of them and 300 million of us. Lacking that, we've got the Marines. We can take 'em.

David might be rooting for New York. I, of course, am rooting for St. Louis. Barring that, New York will do. I'm an American, after all, and I've seen New York obliterated by giant monsters so often, I feel a certain kinship with the Big Apple.

We have two days before Hasbro shuts down the nominations. Go forth and show your patriotism! Of course, I've just tipped off the international readers of CultureGeek**, so the game, it is ON.

Pardon the pun.

* Please note, it's a little wonky. You have to use their auto-fill process. Start by typing "Saint," not "St.", and let it autofill the rest.
** C'mon. There's gotta be ONE.

Oscar's Giant Snub

I thought it was just an oversight. Now I'm angry.

The Annual Deathmarch on Oscar Night was extended to Jan. 31 this year so Heath Ledger could be included. Ledger's sudden, shocking death caused such a furor, it would have been an enormous mistake to leave him off.

But then they left off Brad Renfro, the young actor whose drug habit killed him a week before Ledger's overdose.

Some thought perhaps Renfro would be put on next year's list, that Ledger's inclusion was some kind of exception. But it turns out, Renfro was cut on purpose. Blogs have been buzzing all day.

"We can't include everyone," a rep had the colossal gall to say.

Okay. The list I printed yesterday was "people you might have heard of." It didn't include the wide array of FIFTY studio executives, producers and I-kid-you-not AGENTS who made the list. AGENTS, people. So far away from the audience none of us could name a single one. But Brad Renfro doesn't qualify? Adding a whole five seconds to the Deathmarch?

Let's recap, shall we?

Brad Renfro debuted as the child lead in THE CLIENT, and held his own opposite Susan Sarandon and Tommy Lee Jones. He was intense and street-smart, a quality that held him through later child roles and into the Barry Levinson drama SLEEPERS. As a young man, he faced off with Sir Ian McKellen in APT PUPIL, a taut Stephen King character drama about a teenager obsessed with the Nazis.

When he died of a heroin overdose, he had just completed a movie titled THE INFORMERS, co-starring Winona Ryder and Billy Bob Thornton.

This young man deserved this tiny, five-second accolade. His was a fire I still remember more than 10 years after first seeing him on the screen, a fire that burned out much too soon.

Oscar has always been more than a little insular, rewarding itself according to its own narrow picture of the universe instead of responding to the thirst of the wider audience. But to remember its moneymen and ignore a young man destroyed by the very culture of hard living and fast dying it fosters? How disgusting.

I expect to see an apology and poor young Renfro included as the first name on next year's list. If not, the Academy risks losing what little goodwill they have left, after years of nominating movies no one but Hollywood itself appreciates, declining viewership for the awards and a public that has largely dismissed the Oscars as an entertaining but largely meaningless fashion show for people with more money than sense.

Last night's broadcast had the lowest ratings of any Oscar Night on record. Take the hint.

Adventures of the Truckinator

Thank the Great Bird of the Galaxy for Tivo. Now, for your completely useless amusement, is a recap of the opening sequence, so we can check off all the movies you always meant to see.

A van I originally thought was a Hummer goes toward Hollywood, despite the visuals that imply it’s New York City. While entering the street, we see McQueen from CARS muttering that you turn right to go left, and the DeLorean from BACK TO THE FUTURE passes the Truckinator.

SPIDER-MAN swings by the screen as the EASY RIDERs pass us and Megatron the TRANSFORMER attacks from the rear. Dodging well, the van veers away from Megatron, but it blows up the street behind it.

KING KONG swings down from a skyscraper to bash the CLOVERFIELD monster in its misshapen noggin. I smell a crossover that is dying to happen. You know there are at least two studio execs working on that right now. And it will suck.

The HULK bursts up out of the ground for some reason, and Cary Grant decides this is worse than a plane in a cornfield and hauls his pixels away. The van passes him and a GOOD MORNING VIETNAM Robin Williams, DIRTY HARRY, ROB ROY, a few flying cars from some future I don’t recognize, a Man With No Name (hey, is that two Eastwoods in one screen?) and a badly pixeled Danny Glover and Mel Gibson get out of their LETHAL WEAPON sedan.

Behind them, hilariously, is our favorite PIRATE(s) OF THE CARIBBEAN.

Sigourney Weaver suits up to blow away some ALIEN tail. INDIANA JONES cracks his whip. Darth Vader of the original STAR WARS faces off against SPARTACUS while a black-and-white gentleman in a suit is, I’m sorry to say, impossible to determine. Darn, he’s the only one I can’t really identify. Rats!

A DOG DAY AFTERNOON Al Pacino shouts at nobody in partcular while giant flying eagles or dragons or something fight in midair. Can anyone name them? Oh wait, you all didn’t Tivo this, since you have lives. Al Pacino’s line, by the way, is the hilarious “I’m going to get this thing done in half an hour!” Which, as we all know, is impossible for Oscar. HARRY POTTER whizzes by on his broom and the Truckinator smashes through a railroad crossing. Don’t do that, kids.

The license plate on the Truckinator reads HLLWD-1, in case you care. I’d have put the SPACEBALLS bumper sticker on it: “We brake for nobody.” Especially since the ALIEN attacks it (only movie series to appear twice!).

Now we’re really in Hollywood, because the Truckinator is passing a dancing John Travolta from SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER and MARY POPPINS is landing on the sidewalk. DANCES WITH WOLVES crosses the street in uniform as we spy a TRAINING DAY Denzel Washington beside Warren Beatty’s BONNIE AND CLYDE. Meryl Streep crosses the street (I think from KRAMER VS. KRAMER, but I could be wrong, as SHREK loiters and a LEAVING LAS VEGAS Elisabeth Shue and Nicolas Cage watch.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie hug in their post-MR. AND MRS. SMITH pose, um, I think. I never watch their movies. Meanwhile, George Clooney flips a coin (is that from FROM DUSK TIL DAWN?).

Here come BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID on horseback, followed by LAWRENCE OF ARABIA on camelback, Eddie Murphy snickering about Norbit’s total failure as Robert De Niro looks at him as though he’s crazy from some movie where he probably was.

Three rewinds and I can’t see who the security guy is – I’d say he was Kevin Costner from THE BODYGUARD, but that movie wasn’t good enough to be in this list. Wait! I think he’s The Agent from the MATRIX movies. Oh well, I didn’t like those either. *ducking flames*

The Truckinator pulls up, and of course it’s driven by Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Terminator. I can even tell you the face he’s making behind the wheel is from the moment in TERMINATOR 2 when he’s holding a grenade launcher and trying to smile because ordnance makes him happy.

Yes, I am a movie geek. Take a look up at the top of the screen, folks. What does it say there? CULTUREGEEK. There ya go.

Cameras flash and they open the back of the Truckinator. It is, of course, full of shiny golden Oscars, and it’s time for the awards.

You might notice, by the way, that most of the wonderful smash-em-up movies described in this sequence will never appear on Oscar’s stage. Why? Because they’re too much fun. Here’s a hint to the Oscar guys, as deduced from the many comments I’ve heard this morning: “Oh, I missed the Oscars? Oh well, I hadn’t seen any of the movies anyway.”

Addendum: Her Speech.

Courtesy of the Associated Press, I bring you Marketa Irglova's speech. You know, the musician chased offstage by the orchestra and brought back on by Jon Stewart?

"The fact that we're standing here tonight, the fact that we're able to hold this, it's just proof that no matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible," Irglova said during take two. "And, you know, fair play to those who dare to dream, and don't give up. This song was written from the perspective of hope, and hope, at the end of the day, connects us all, no matter how different we are."

Brava.

OscarGeek: Part XI

In all these memories, I'd like to point out that they never showed my man Adrien Brody's win, where he leaped up onto the stage and kissed Halle Berry full on the mouth. And when he released her, she turned to the audience and fanned herself. That, to me, is Oscar Night.

Memories: Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau are doing the two-step they did all their lives. Milos Forman, Robert Redford, Warren Beatty, James L. Brooks, Sydney Pollack, Barry Levinson, Jonathan Demme, Mel Gibson, James Cameron, Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard, Peter Jackson, Clint Eastwood, Ang Lee, Martin Scorcese. And that’s a great moment, folks, because Scorcese received his Oscar from Francis Ford Coppola, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. Half the talent in Hollywood, up on the stage.

(Shush about Lucas. He had it once.)

You know what that means. It’s time for the best director Oscar, and Scorcese is here to present it.

Best Direction Winner: Joel and Ethan Coen for NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. I guess that means they’re gonna sew up best picture, folks. I think this is where I lose my count. 13-11 (correcting a previous total), and I had put my money on JUNO. It seemed practical at the time.

Denzel Washington is looking nice bald, and he’s pushing us straight into best picture. And the Oscar goes to…

BEST PICTURE: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.

So once again I was about 50 percent right, coming in at 13-12. As for the ceremony itself, it smacks of something put together at the last minute – oh wait, it was! It’s not the writers, though. I don’t think we suffered from light banter. An 80th anniversary should have been heavy on the nostalgia, and there just weren’t enough memories in between the awards. I am probably the only person in the U.S. who thinks this.

Still, thanks to those of you who lived and suffered through the last three hours and 23 minutes with me. Here’s hoping Hiker Smurf and I have better luck next year.

Now I’d better go make sure CultureGeek Jr. is really going to bed. Somewhere he’s acquired an elvish One Ring and is using it to make his own Oscar acceptance speech. This does not bode well.

OscarGeek: Part X

Jon Stewart uses a really bad joke to introduce Harrison Ford, who in turn is going for best screenplay. Three of the five are women, an Oscar first.

Best Screenplay Winner: Diablo Cody for JUNO. Brava, sister. From what I hear, she wrote a terrific script. “This is for the writers,” she says. Without whom there would be no movies, I hasten to add. Disclaimer: CultureGeek is written by a writer.

Is it just me, or is the sound all wonky? Maybe it’s my TV, but it sounds like the music has a few motes of dust on the ribbon. You know, back when we used cassettes and stuff.

Memories: Bob Hope and Bette Davis, Marlon Brando and Humphrey Bogart, Gregory Peck and John Wayne. Wow, Jack Nicholson looks very, very young. They all do. Look at when they had hair. “The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels,” Hanks said after winning for PHILADELPHIA.

Time for best actor, as Helen Mirren strolls out in a truly classy red dress. And it has sleeves.

Best Actor Winner: Daniel Day-Lewis for THERE WILL BE BLOOD. Ouch, I had picked Johnny Depp for SWEENEY TODD, but rather thought George Clooney might win for MICHAEL CLAYTON. 13-10 for me and Hiker Smurf, and it just goes to show you can’t predict this stuff.

The commercials are coming faster, now that we’re in the homestretch. I had a moment to check in with you guys, and am fixing categories now. I’m glad to see you’re out there with me.