CultureGeek

TVGeek: A brief comical pause...

Because this was just too funny not to share. It's from Shortpacked, a free webcomic by David Willis. And it sums up my attitude toward the finale of SMALLVILLE perfectly. The song lyrics just kill me.

MovieGeek: Prince Caspian

It’s hard to say whether C.S. Lewis would approve of PRINCE CASPIAN: THE VIDEOGAME. But I think he would really enjoy the film adaptation of his novel.

I enjoyed the first movie well enough, but I was not particularly interested in CASPIAN. I must confess that I didn’t really get into the Narnia series past the first book as a youngster. The castle intrigue storyline never really interested me.

But the filmmakers streamlined the novel, intertwining the Pevensies and Caspian earlier and adding a bit of tension between Peter and Caspian. This movie is long and complex and I never really felt that, going along for a highly entertaining ride. The pace is kept up and the humor runs throughout to keep us awake during exposition.

In thinking of the Narnia movies as simple Christian children’s fables, we forget that C.S. Lewis was close friends with J.R.R. Tolkein, both respected Oxford dons and members of the Inklings literary society.

The art direction is simply fantastic, and I must give huge kudos to the fight choreography. This is not the delicate dance of formal swordplay – when Peter faces off against the evil King Miraz, we sense both that Peter is a skilled fighter with many more years than his face suggests, and that this is how men in armor would fight.

All the young actors did an excellent job, working together as a family would and clearly comfortable in their roles. A touch of romance between Caspian and Susan is also a welcome addition – it’s simply natural that these two would take a second look at each other, after all.

Ben Barnes as Prince Caspian carries much of the movie, as the real internal conflict is over his balance of vengeance and justice, of ambition and what is best for the kingdom. Barnes does a competent job, and I expect we will see more of him.

As in the novel, Aslan is reduced to a literal deus ex machina, but we forgive him because he has Liam Neeson’s voice. Extra credit goes to Peter Dinklage as a cynical dwarf who assists the Pevensies and cracked me up three times with his grousing.

In all, I went to PRINCE CASPIAN because CultureGeek Jr. wanted to. His vote, by the way, is that it was “AWESOME!” I did not expect to see one of the best sword-and-sorcery fantasy movies of the past ten years. CASPIAN suffered from only three days in the limelight before Indiana Jones swung in to take over the movie theaters. My advice is to catch it before it disappears.

Note: Douglas Gresham, stepson to C.S. Lewis and executive producer for the movies, cameos as a Telmarine. According to interviews, the creators convinced Gresham to allow Susan’s more active role in the battle by pointing out that Lewis’ attitude toward women changed significantly after he met Joy Gresham. Before his marriage, Lewis tended to cast women in much more passive roles.

MovieGeek: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

How do you review an Indiana Jones movie? When the last one came out, I was in high school, writing reviews for the Bryn Mawrtian.

Look, comparing an Indiana Jones movie to other action movies is like comparing STAR TREK to a Vin Diesel space romp. There's no point of comparison. When Spielberg and Lucas are behind the wheel, you just settle back and enjoy the ride. According to Entertainment Weekly, $126 million from Friday through Sunday would indicate the public agrees, $151 million if you include Wednesday and Thursday's early openings.

I've heard a few whinges about this movie: too much plot, not enough roller derby. Harrison Ford is too old. The plot is too intricate (please, have you people never watched BATTLESTAR GALACTICA?)

I'm sorry to say, the main problem with INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL is... Harrison Ford.

Ow. That hurt to write.

It's not that Ford is too old - we should all be in such shape. It's not that the character isn't written as well (though there's a bit of that - keep Lucas away from the script!). It's that for much of the movie, especially the opening sequence, it's like Ford is phoning in Indiana Jones. The lines are clearly written for Jones, but Ford is saying them like he's someone else.

Yes, he's older, more tired, and apparently has been mostly retired since World War II. Is anyone surprised that the "Part-Time Professor" was up to all sorts of shenanigans against the Nazis? (Now that's a movie I would have liked to see - Indiana Jones as a spy!)

It honestly reminded me of Liam Neeson and Samuel L. Jackson, men of intensity of performance, doing the green-screen dance for George Lucas in the Star Wars prequels. How is it that Lucas can make brilliant actors seem wooden and dull?

Unlike some critics, I liked the undercurrent of the Red Scare and McCarthyism. Unfortunately, it pretty much went nowhere. At first it seemed Spielberg and Lucas were mocking the Red Terror and McCarthyism - always good for mockery - but later, the bad guys are mustache-twirling KGB agents one step removed from Boris and Natasha. Is McCarthyism evil, or was it justified? It's hard to say what the creators were saying.

Then there's the second big problem: the high points of the previous movies were, in my opinion, not a giant cobra or a rolling boulder or an extracted heart or a falling tank.

It was Indiana Jones reaching a near-suicidal depression when he thought Marian Ravenwood was dead. It was watching our hero backhand a young boy he thought of like a son while in the throes of mind control. It was a father explaining his lifelong obsession to his son, and sharing a sad memory of the wife and mother they lost. It was the moment when Henry Jones Sr. realized his son had survived the crash and held him close.

There is, unfortunately, no such moment in this movie. Cataclysmic personal revelations - which you can all guess if you've watched the previews and have half a brain - are dealt with mostly in a comic manner. Putting our heroes at death's door once again should have been remarkably more tension-filled. Surprises were few, and I don't even feel like looking up the physics of the refrigerator thing.

It is not a PHANTOM MENACE, I'm happy to say. There was no point where I looked at my watch or rolled my eyes in disgust. As to the science fiction element - oh, please, people. Magic stones, an eternal-life Grail, the Ark of the Covenant melting Nazis... is it really such a stretch?

But it was clearly Lucasified - stunts performed with special effects, no real sense of danger. And it was the least gross of the four movies. There is a vast difference between watching a real stuntman dragged under a truck and watching pixels dance on the screen, no matter how well-designed. There's a grittiness to the previous movies that has been glossed over here, and it pains me to know that Lucas did consider the old approach... and abandoned it in favor of the new toys.

I agree with FilmThreat.com, which said it doesn't seem to be possible for Lucas to do a movie these days without one-third of it existing solely of pixels. "I realize in this day and age that it’s no longer necessary to go overseas and shoot scenes set in overseas locales... except that’s what they did for the first three movies," the reviewer writs. "Far too much of the film’s second half is a frenetic assault of obvious green screen crapola... and is it really so hard to use actual monkeys? Really?"

That said, Ford and Karen Allen fell back into their old bickering as easily as ever, and Cate Blanchett made for an interesting villain, horrible hairstyle notwithstanding. Shia LeBouef surprised me yet again by perfecting a cocky, improvisational manner that reminds us of a younger man who wore a fedora. There's more than a hint that Mutt Williams could go on to do his own movies... and wouldn't that be fun?

Just don't let Lucas near the script this time.

For a little extra fun, check out Television Without Pity's hilarious indictment of Indiana Jones: Criminal or Scientist?

CultureGeek: Ren Faire Time!

As we head into this glorious Memorial Day weekend, folks, I'd like to suggest an alternative to fattening grilled meats and endless sporting events and sneaking off to see INDIANA JONES in the movie theater.

I suggest you try out the St. Louis Renaissance Faire.

Welcome to Petit Lyon, a 16th-century French village right here in the St. Louis area. Go comfy in shorts and sneakers, or dress up in your best garb. Nothing is out of place here.

Watch knights on horseback conduct a real joust before the King (with paramedics standing nervously by). Enjoy a turkey leg, a mug of ale and the Celtic trills of the incomparable Three Pints Gone. Peruse the best collection of fantasy and medieval art this side of Dragoncon, or pick up lovely handmade jewelry and costumes at the various vendors.

The kids get to seek out stamps from actors portraying the common roles of the medieval time, and upon completing their tasks, are knighted (or princessed) by the Queen's handmaiden. If you look quickly, you might spy Robin Hood and Maid Marian ducking away between the trees as the Middle Eastern dance troupe performs and the King parades by with his court.

Folks, it's a barrel of fun. CultureGeek Jr. and I attended last weekend, and we had a blast. Dig up the old Halloween costume if you want, or just go to observe. The kids might see a faerie in the woods, and they'll definitely have a good time.

I won't lie to you - it's a long drive, approximately one hour from Madison County to Wentzville's Rotary Park. If you go to their web site, you can download a coupon that helps defray the cost of the gas. But folks, it's worth it.

The St. Louis Renaissance Faire runs Saturdays and Sundays through June 8, plus Memorial Day. And if you see the Queen, remember to bow!

TVGeek: The Twilight Zone

It's my day off, and instead of doing laundry, I got sucked into a particularly creepy episode of THE TWILIGHT ZONE, written by Richard Matheson himself. And just as we're about to turn to the final horror... the Tivo stopped recording.

I spit my venom at Richard Matheson!
And at the stupid channel that sets TWILIGHT ZONE seven minutes off the clock!

(Yeah, I looked up the ending. Ain't the same.)

I wish THE TWILIGHT ZONE were still around. There have been the occasional attempts in recent years at anthology series - MASTERS OF SCIENCE FICTION, Stephen King's NIGHTMARES AND DREAMSCAPES, etc. The ratings have not spurred networks to leap into anthologies again. This is a tragedy, as ND was quite good and MSF suffered only from dreadfully melodramatic music. Watching those series made it quite plausible that a well-written anthology series with good guest stars taking a break from their usual gigs would take off like, well, a rocket.

Oh TWILIGHT ZONE, with its ambiguous endings and unsolved mysteries and random strangeness with paranoia and horror dancing together just around each corner, with ordinary people standing horrorstruck in the middle of Anytown, U.S.A. at something that simply shouldn't EXIST.

They tried to pick it up a couple of times, most recently with Forest Whitaker as the announcer. It died after one season. Rumor has it they're going to try again in 2009.

Please? Oh please, do it. Normally I hate revivals/remakes as vague shadows of the original. But I've read enough short stories to know that we could do this again... if only there were someone sufficiently twisted behind the wheel. If I thought it would work, I would summon the chain-smoking ghost of Rod Serling to haunt the writers' room and offer his advice.

Now THAT sounds like a Twilight Zone episode.

MovieGeek: Iron Man

IRON MAN
Starring Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges
Directed by Jon Favreau

Confession: I've never read an Iron Man comic. I therefore cannot attest to the comic fidelity of this movie.

That said, it completely rocked.

Perhaps in a better movie year, IRON MAN would have vanished into obscurity. But we've had nothing worth watching for months, so IRON MAN stands out like a red-and-gold giant amidst tin soldiers.

Robert Downey Jr. is perfectly cast as Tony Stark, an alcoholic arms merchant and mechanical genius who goes through the worst of detox clinics: being held captive in Afghanistan by insurgents armed with the very weapons he's been selling.

It's been pointed out that Downey is a good choice to play a brilliant man with, shall we say, personality defects and a poor public image. Confession: Your friendly neighborhood CultureGeek met Mr. Downey on the set of U.S. MARSHALS. He seemed friendly (and sober) enough to me. But that, my friends, is a story for another time.

Upon Stark's (inevitable) escape, via a self-built suit of armor the knights of the Crusades would envy, he sets himself to the task of ridding the "bad guys" of his superweapons, which someone has been selling under the table.

Among comic book movies, it's a step above because it takes notice of real-world issues and hired real actors to deal with them. It is such a relief to see Oscar-nominated actors who take their craft seriously in this kind of movie. (Among the three leads, there are six nominations and one win, Paltrow for SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE.) But among adult movies, it loses a step or two because it deals with said problems in a comic-book fashion: old-fashioned violence!

It's hard to turn off the reporter in me. Where was the Department of Defense or Congressional oversight, following up on Stark Industries' under-table deals? Perhaps the CIA would have something to say about it, eh? The proper course for Tony Stark would be to testify before a Senate subcommittee, not build a supersuit to fight crime and evil terrorists.

This is, of course, where the story also breaks down: comic-book absolute evil, with the bad guys practically wearing black hats and no explanation of who they are and what they fight for, a complex issue in modern Afghanistan. A little more balance would have been good for the grownups.

It also loses several points for Example No. 389853 of a venal journalist. In this case, it's a supermodel working for Vanity Fair, who attacks Stark with his company's record, then abandons her principles in 6.5 seconds to roll in the hay with him. Then she gets huffy when he can't remember her name. Yawn.

But you know? That's okay. No one expected the Fantastic Four to debate the geopolitical complications involved in their multi-nation tour of "kick Silver Surfer off his board," and there was no redeeming factor in Venom vs. Spider-Man. (Ooh, bad example.) It's just that elsewhere, IRON MAN is grownup enough to actually raise these questions.

The dynamic between Jeff Bridges and Downey is strongly paternalistic, funny since they're only 15 years apart. While I could have used less dewy-eyed devotion on Paltrow's Pepper Potts (such a comic-book name!), she holds her own in an honestly nailbiting industrial-espionage showdown. Putting her in harm's way was perhaps inevitable, but it is redeemed by Downey's heart-rending reaction. At least she didn't end up dangled off a bridge.

In all, you don't have to shut off all your brain to enjoy IRON MAN. For that matter, you can bring the kids. There were only two points where I covered CultureGeek Jr.'s eyes, and neither turned out to be graphic enough to require it. More to the point: When Iron Man soared, he leaned forward in excitement, barely restraining himself from leaping up in concert with the hero. By the two-thirds mark, he whispered that "we have got to get this on DVD!"

A final note: Hang out through the credits. There's a snippet at the end you absolutely have to see. Just trust your CultureGeek.

TVGeek: The 2007 Freshman Class

Here we go, folks. I kept quiet during the upfronts, but just for laughs, I thought I'd take a look at this past season's fun and games among the freshman class.

Among the freshman class, nearly every show I watched is DOA. Farewell to "Back to You," "Bionic Woman," "The Dresden Files," "Drive," "K-ville" and even "Moonlight," which I continued to watch with the fondness one has for a rather stupid, mangy pet. I was most surprised by "Back to You"'s cancellation - it was amusing enough.

But it is to "Journeyman" that I reluctantly award the Firefly Memorial Award for Series That Never Had a Chance. "Journeyman" was smart, honest, well-written and hired people who can actually act. It got bonus points for being the only positive portrayal of journalists I've seen in years. "The Dresden Files" almost upended it, since Sci-Fi gave Harry Dresden the Firefly treatment with episodes aired out of order. But "Journeyman" was simply the best show of the year, dead on arrival.

Then there are the rest of the fallen. Farewell to: "Big Shots," "Cane," "Carpoolers," "Life is Wild," "October Road," "Women's Murder Club" and my pick for the first to die, "Cavemen." Sorry, gentlemen, an annoying ad campaign does not a sitcom make. As much as I'd like to hate it the most, I give the biggest Bronx Cheer to "Aliens in America," which created "humor" out of a suburban American family that wants to "return" an exchange student because he's Muslim and creates "jokes" out of hapless fish-out-of-water nonsense borne of ethnic and religious stereotype. Rest in pieces.

Of the survivors, let us all cheer the only show that deserved to survive: "Chuck." The premise stretches credulity and the cheesecake gets a little annoying from time to time and the character interplay is sometimes cartoonish. So what? It was a blast and a half, and I'm glad we'll get another round. If only to see Adam Baldwin's square jaw twitch some more.

Some folks out there will be happy to see "Pushing Daisies" get a renew order, especially since it only got nine out of its 22-episode order. Also popular was "Life," "Reaper," which I never watched past the premiere, and Holly Hunter's "Saving Grace." "The Sarah Conner Chronicles" continues to give me fits – you can see the real show hiding behind waves of dreck – and it's going to get another season to annoy me with Lena Headey's skinny arms.

Also returning: "Big Bang Theory," "Burn Notice," "Dirty Sexy Money," "Gossip Girl," "Mad Men," "Private Practice," "The Riches," "Samantha Who?" and "The Unit." All of these walk the earth while we bid farewell to "Journeyman."

After the strike, networks started handing out pink slips. We say farewell to "The 4400," "7th Heaven," "Crossing Jordan," "Gilmore Girls," "King of Queens," "Reba" and "The O.C." But it is to "The Dead Zone" that I shed a tear. Its last season was a dramatic change of pace that destroyed all its years of strong, intelligent drama. I wasn't surprised to see it go, but I will miss it.

Soon you'll get a preview of upcoming series, including Joss Whedon's long-overdue return to television. But it's on Fox, so be sure to catch it before it's canceled.

MovieGeek: Take away my bluescreen!

I recall sitting in the venerable Senator Theater in Baltimore on a summer evening in 1991. I was at the movies by myself, because none of my friends wanted to go see some horror-sf sequel called TERMINATOR 2.

But I was enthralled, for a dozen reasons. But one of the most compelling was this new technology they showed us. I ran home afterward and told the Film Professor that he absolutely needed to see this movie - even if it wasn't an exciting story with good acting and a kick-butt heroine unlike any I'd ever seen, it had this neat... morphing thing! Like they were using computers to draw, only making it look real!

T2 was really the nascent birth of CGI, and immediately Hollywood fell in love with it. It's hard to imagine a movie now that doesn't have some kind of computerized effect, whether it's removing Gary Sinese's legs in FORREST GUMP or creating the walking trees of LORD OF THE RINGS. It's allowed us to do movies that never could have been done outside of animation.

And sometimes, it stinks.

Look, I love that we're able to make Aslan speak and Iron Man fly. But sometimes I think we've lost something in this world of Industrial Light and Magic. It's an odd thing to say on the eve of the summer blockbuster season, I know.

When Christopher Reeve donned the red cape in the first SUPERMAN, it may have been a royal pain to spend endless days in a flying harness. But compare those wonderful effects with poor Brandon Routh, who turned into CGI when his boots left the ground. Yes, he could do more interesting things. Yes, he could hover in a Christlike pose soaking in the sun to heal himself. But it just wasn't as real.

And hey, I absolutely loved watching Yoda's two-foot self in a lightsaber battle with Christopher Lee. But somehow the CGI Yoda failed to capture the character the way Jim Henson's puppet did. The puppet can't fight a battle, but it could emote in a way computers simply cannot.

I was thinking about this because we picked up the Indiana Jones Adventure Set. It's remedial viewing, as CultureGeek Jr. needs to be properly prepared for next week's premiere. I covered his eyes during the melting face from RAIDERS, but after he went to bed, I watched the special feature about it.

Turns out they built a fake skull, then layered it with gelatin in various shades of red, veined with blue yarn, and coated with flesh-colored gelatin. Then they used propane heaters to make it melt. It was soft gelatin, but it still took about ten minutes to melt. Then they sped it up to 240 times the speed for the brief shot that made RAIDERS into a horror movie.

The special effects man, explaining how he did this, said if they were to make RAIDERS today, he'd still do it the same way, but clean it up a bit with computers - he can see flaws he'd like to correct. (Nobody tell Lucas - they already removed the obvious pane of glass between Harrison Ford and the asp in the Well of Souls.)

But if they were making RAIDERS today, they wouldn't waste time melting gelatin with propane lamps. A melting face is nothing to the megacomputers of ILM, right? Somehow, though, I just don't think it would have the same impact. There's a reality to a practical effect that we lose in CGI.

As we were watching the movie, I explained to CultureGeek Jr. that the under-the-truck stunt was a real guy. It wasn't a computerized guy - it was a real stuntman doing that. His eyes widened, and he watched the scene with new respect. He's used to the cheat, you see. Nothing impresses him when it's only pixels at risk.

I have no doubt that the summer lineup will give us a visual array to make even the Wachowski Brothers blink twice. The CGI geniuses will put forth their best art for us, and I do appreciate the skill it takes to do this job well.

But sometimes, I wish they'd just melt some Jell-O and see what happens.

TVGeek: 21 Jump Street - The Movie?

Oh no you don't.

I will put up with remakes of every horror movie from AMITYVILLE to WHEN A STRANGER CALLS. I will put up with endless cribbing from Asian horror and recasting Rachel Weisz to ruin my MUMMYs. I will even enjoy I AM LEGEND while ignoring its completely rewritten ending.

But.

Jonah Hill of SUPERBAD developing a 21 JUMP STREET movie??

You know, if they did a 21 JUMP STREET movie, I'd probably be thrilled. Face it: I was a tween in the heyday of JUMP STREET, and therefore I was required to be in love with Johnny Depp. Along with every heterosexual red-blooded American girl.

I also had a crush on Peter Deluise, but let's just keep that between you and me. Hey, he made me laugh. And you just know that Hanson was seriously high-maintenance. (I viewed Richard Grieco as a poser bad boy. He was, however, nice eye candy.)

Look, as a grownup I know JUMP STREET was a kickier AFTERSCHOOL SPECIAL, with its serious moral to every story and public service announcements by the cast afterward. And yes, I always wondered how many high schools that city had, because they should have been made as cops a dozen times over.

But come on, it was a show in the 1980s dealing with alcoholism, racism, homophobia, sexual promiscuity, AIDS... and the president hadn't even said the word AIDS yet.

Do us a favor, Hollywood. If you intend to demolish our childhood, leave JUMP STREET alone. We will rebel. At least I will. Some 1980s shows deserve to be parodied. JUMP STREET does not. Now, you want to do a straight-up movie, maybe update it to our heroes as cops training new JUMPers, get Johnny Depp and you have a guaranteed hit even if you hire trained monkeys to write.

But some things really should be sacred. And I think you'll find all those tween girls who loved Johnny Depp grew up to watch the PIRATE movies. We will not find you funny.

TVGeek: ER's bill is due

The ER Memorial "That's Still On?" Award is about to become... a memorial. Is the joke still funny if the show isn't on anymore?

NBC is finally pulling the plug (sorry, couldn't help myself) on the 14-year series, and let me tell you, the fact that I can remember its premiere tells me I am far too old.

As the excellent CNN article states, ER was a groundbreaker, ushering in the golden age of television drama. Its premiere in 1994 coincided with CHICAGO HOPE, MY SO-CALLED LIFE and the heydays of LAW & ORDER, PICKET FENCES, HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET, THE X-FILES and STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE.

Of course, it was also the time of COP ROCK and WOOPS, so take what you can get.

So they've finally decided to close down the ER, but not until February 2009. That gives them most of a 15th season to wind things down. Noah Wyle is expected to return for four episodes - in many ways, "Carter" was the story of the ER, a bumbling med student who became a senior, skilled doctor and left the show for good in 2006.

Showrunner John Wells said they will work in nostalgic flashbacks for the last season, which means I'm going to have to Tivo it again. Dangit. And of course, the big question: Clooney or not?

After all, the show launched his career. He may be a big-time Oscar winner now, but I'd like to think he'd have a little nostalgia of his own, and maybe a touch of gratitude, for the job that gave him his break.

It's almost the end of an era, as the network launches being announced this week are heavy on unscripted shows and light on fun. I'll have a full analysis for you later this week, but in the meantime... even though I haven't watched it in years, I think I'm going to miss ER.