CultureGeek

MovieGeek: Memento

My sister and I have a good relationship. We get along pretty well for two girls who used to shout at each other over an imaginary line down the middle of our bedroom.

However, we have exactly opposite taste in entertainment. I loved DAWN OF THE DEAD, she loved SHAUN OF THE DEAD. I watch BATTLESTAR GALACTICA; she watches … um, some reality show I can't remember. I love superheroes and things that go chomp in the night; she loves romantic comedies and family dramas. We are united in our hatred of Carlos Mancia's alleged "humor," and there our similarities end.

The last movie she recommended to me was FOUR ROOMS, and I was so revolted by it I have cheerfully ignored every recommendation she has made since. That's all right - she declines to watch BATTLESTAR, even though I am the big sister and she's supposed to do what I say.

But when last I saw her, which is sadly too rare, she insisted that I must watch MEMENTO. It's the best movie ever, she said – a mystery investigated by a man who cannot form short-term memories.

There it was, at the library. Now approximately a zillion days overdue. I got to it eventually.

Guy Pearce, king of suffering, plays Leonard, the aforementioned memory-impaired man searching for his wife's murderer. He tattoos important clues on his body and leaves himself notes every day. The key, however, is that MEMENTO goes backwards. It starts with the confrontation, then goes to the previous day, explaining how it came to be.

There are moments of humor played out of Leonard's condition. I was unreasonably amused by Guy Pearce and Joe Pantoliano arguing over how to get rid of a bloodied guy that Leonard can't remember beating up. See what happens when you forget to write yourself a note?

The movie's greatest strength and greatest failing is its structure – five-minute spans that start at the end and go backward in time. It ends/begins with a murder, in the no-man's land in which Leonard lives. Step by step we go backward, following Leonard's clues from conclusion to investigation. It takes some serious mojo to make something like that work, and the Nolan brothers – one who wrote, one who directed – clearly have mojo to spare.

Guy Pearce's performance was matter-of-fact, an investigator with the most complicated mystery of all to solve. Almost too complicated – it's easy to get lost among the various bit players who help Leonard piece together his mystery and come to a conclusion I honestly did not expect.

I found MEMENTO to be a very smart movie, an apparently accurate portrayal of a bizarre and rare condition, but to be honest, I had to look up the plot on the 'net to fully get what happened. Maybe that means I'm not nearly as smart as my sister. Shh, don't tell her. I'm still taller.

MovieGeek: The Incredible Hulk

"Aw Mom, you gotta see HULK! It's sweeeet."

Thus was the in-depth review from CultureGeek Jr., so I obeyed orders and caught the late show. THE INCREDIBLE HULK is, in fact, very sweet. If that means what I think it does. In my day things were "cool" or "hot," apparently not distinguishing between temperatures. Now they're "sweet" or ... is "smooth" still cool? I am too old for this world. And I digress.

HULK reintroduces the Jolly Green Giant after the universally reviled Ang Lee angst-fest inflicted upon us in 2003. While I appreciated the visual brilliance of Lee's work - the divided screen like comic-book panels was especially fascinating - there was far too much psychology and not enough Hulk Smash. I do not like falling asleep in the middle of a superhero flick.

This movie is a little too far in the other direction, but not enough to bother me. Yes, the plot is fairly straightforward - Bruce Banner is on the run because the evil U.S. military wants to use him as a weapon, and the gamma rays get zapped into somebody who really shouldn't be given absolute power. The backstory is dispensed with in a three-minute flashback sequence during the credits, which apparently makes this an indirect sequel to Lee's HULK.

Edward Norton has the size-37 role, and as a long-time fan of the big guy, he apparently tweaked the script a bit. I also hear that he was unhappy with studio-ordered cuts, including an Arctic sequence in which Bruce attempts to kill himself. Too intense for young viewers, I guess, but it might have provided that extra bit of depth missing from this version. I am waiting anxiously for the 70 minutes cut from the movie to appear on DVD. Please?

Bruce Banner is a man divided: a mild-mannered scientist plagued with a mean, green temper and a deep guilt about the things he does while under the influence. While Eric Bana was plagued with a script that delved endlessly into this Jekyll-and-Hyde persona, we only get Bruce's guilt and sadness from Norton. Bruce requires a bit of an edge, a temper that indicates the monster lurking within. Yet when faced with a young woman being hassled by cretins, Bruce is reluctant to step in, constantly fearful of getting "angry." We don't get that sense of the monster temper, and it's a flaw in an otherwise strong performance.

But I sense good things coming, primarily from this:

There's a thing in Hulk of the Prometheus myth: it's tapping the story of stealing fire from the gods and being burned by it... When you think about Banner's driving motivation, part of what was interesting to me was a sense of guilt, a sense of having monkeyed with nature. He's applied a certain arrogance to his work and assumed he can muster forces that maybe aren't meant to be tinkered with casually, and he's driven by... wanting to put the genie back into the bottle.
-- Norton on Hulk's subtext

I am so happy that Marvel has started casting Oscar nominees as comic heroes. It beats the heck out of Jessica Alba's mascara standing in for acting ability in FANTASTIC FOUR.

As for the rest of the cast, William Hurt does okay as Thunderbolt Ross, who gets only one moment to break his one-note character, and Tim Roth makes a believable Emil Blonsky/Abomination. Liv Tyler's role as Betty Ross, of course, is to have wide eyes and occasionally fall into mortal peril, not to actually participate in the science or the action sequences of the movie. Deep sigh.

Notice the cameos! Of course there's Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, in a scene setting up for the 2011 AVENGERS movie, and Stan Lee always makes his appearance. But watch for TV Hulk Lou Ferrigno as a security guard bribed with pizza and the voice of the Hulk. Paul Soles, the voice of Bruce Banner from the 1966 cartoon, plays a pizza parlor owner. And the late Bill Bixby manages an appearance, as Norton is seen watching his COURTSHIP OF EDDIE'S FATHER on TV.

There's plenty of "Hulk smash!" in this movie, enough to satisfy the CultureGeek Jr. audience and just a touch too much for this Gen-Xer. You'll absolutely love how they work in the trademark lines, including, "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." Director Louis Leterrier keeps the plot moving and doesn't dwell overlong on pseudoscience that will make us roll our eyes. Many critics slammed the CGI, but in this case, I didn't find it intrusive. The movement of the Hulk and the Abomination were motion-capture, not CGI, and I believe it's an improvement.

It's clear Marvel is setting up a massive movie franchise, with standalone movies intertwined through the S.H.I.E.L.D. and Avengers storylines and at least three sequel hints in this movie. I'm good with that, as long as they don't go too crazy with the crossovers. One might wonder why Marvel's superhero movies are doing so well and DC's stumble so badly, with the exception of BATMAN BEGINS. It's not for better stories or cooler heroes, in my opinion. Perhaps it is that Marvel has a single, unifying vision in Stan Lee's iron grip, and DC has been writing by committee for decades now.

Or maybe the Justice League will save us all. Who can say?

P.S. Alas, you don't have to wait through the credits unless you really like the score, which I did. There is no nugget at the end. As the four young men who also waited remarked, "Hulk thanks you for staying to the end!"

MovieGeek: THE STRANGERS

THE STRANGERS

Movie tickets are eight or nine bucks a pop these days, and that has made your Friendly Neighborhood CultureGeek a tad pickier about what she watches. I was originally going to skip THE STRANGERS, until Stoker-nominated author Jeff Strand posted a thank-you to the American moviegoing public for making a success out of a horror movie that was actually scary.

THE STRANGERS kicks off with a supremely stupid opening: telling us that there are 1.4 million violent crimes in America each year (duh) and to add insult to stupidity, it is read aloud to us in case we can’t read. But I’d already paid my eight bucks, so I stayed.

So glad I did.

Meet Kristin McKay (Liv Tyler) and James Hoyt (Scott Speedman), a couple on the outs and driving to James’ family home in a fairly remote location late at night. Supposedly “inspired by true events,” as near as I can determine those “true events” begin and end with the dumb statistics and a vague homage to the Manson murders. Kristin and Scott are first visited by a lost young woman asking for someone who does not live there. Later there are more knocks on the door, and masked people are playing with them.

But director Bryan Bertino manages to make the smallest things frightening. I’ve never been scared of wind chimes before, folks. His use of sound is amazing – a knock at the front door will make you dig your nails into your palms, and someone running a stick along corrugated metal will make you want to scream. Has a smoke detector sitting on a chair ever made you want to shout, “RUN! NOW!”? I’m betting not.

It’s supposedly based on the Mansons’ habit of “creepy-crawling,” entering homes of future victims and rearranging furniture and other objects while the occupants slept. I think it would have been far creepier if they’d left the girl’s one real line out of the trailer: when Tyler asks, “Why are you doing this to us?” she replies, “Because you were home.” It is that randomness, the fact that these people have done nothing to deserve this horror, that makes it twice as scary. That line would have been like an icepick to the heart if I had not seen it in the trailer.

SPOILER! And it’s interesting that until the very end, our masked villains actually do nothing TO our people. Even the second-act death was merely orchestrated by them – Hoyt pulled the trigger, unknowingly, on his best friend. It’s true that our intrepid couple falls victim to a classic Horror Movie Blunder: Let’s split up and venture out for help! Face, palm.

This movie speaks to one of the universal creepouts: you’re alone in the house. Or ARE you? But few have done it so well. Usually these movies fall down in the final act due to improbable heroics, sudden deus ex policia, finding the courage to fight back, etc. The script mostly avoids such nonsense – these folks really are on their own, and succeed or fail on their own merits. It helps that they hired real actors –Tyler and Speedman both know their craft, and Speedman in particular shines in the aforementioned shooting scene.

Not bad for a $10 million horror quickie. If you get the chance, ring up THE STRANGERS. But you might not want to go home alone.

MovieGeek: THE HAPPENING

THE HAPPENING

It’s fact: Critics hate M. Night Shyamalan, and the feeling is mutual. Reviews of his movies for years could be summed up in “Good, but not as good as THE SIXTH SENSE,” a phrase poor Shyamalan could have engraved on his tombstone – right next to Orson Welles’ “Good, but not as good as CITIZEN KANE” or David O. Selznick’s “Good, but not as good as GONE WITH THE WIND.” Ask Peter Jackson or James Cameron or Kevin Costner what it’s like to do one enormous, sweeping epic film that wins Best Picture and is therefore the yardstick by which you will be measured for the rest of your career.

But Shyamalan declared war with THE LADY IN THE WATER, a movie I missed, with a highly disagreeable movie-critic character. I was therefore not surprised in the least that most critics hated THE HAPPENING.

I was, however, surprised to find that some of them had a point.

It’s a fascinating premise with high doses of creepy atmosphere, which Shyamalan has always done well. One of my companions to the theater said it was practically a remake of THE BIRDS, in which a force of nature goes berserk for unknown reasons and humans die horribly because of it.

But Hitchcock was content not to explain why the birds went berserk. Maybe it was magnetic forces, or nuclear waste contamination, or Mercury went retrograde. We’ll never know, and it’s better that way. Any explanation will be mere silliness. Back then, you could get away with such things. Audiences could accept the strange, horrific and bizarre without requiring that Scully step in with a rational explanation. I miss those days.

Shyamalan, unfortunately, makes an attempt to explain it via annoying ecological types on news broadcasts and a crazy hot-dog man (don’t ask). It comes off as pandering eco-terror, and it doesn’t work. At least half the critics, clearly unable to suspend disbelief or actively working to keep disbelief on the ground, screamed down the premise as their main objection.

It’s hard to put my finger on what doesn’t work about THE HAPPENING. It could be the writing – where is Shyamalan’s touch of brilliance, characters speaking like people while maintaining eloquence and intelligence? Our central couple is colorless and dull, a schoolteacher (Mark Wahlberg) and his apparently useless wife (Zooey Deschanel, building a career on luminous blue eyes) who may or may not have had an affair, and we don’t care. He has the requisite Minority Best Friend, so you know what’s gonna happen there, a Kid in Danger We Must Protect, and the usual array of clueless victims.

Here’s the thing: there’s some reality to the way this happens. In a disaster, there are a few people who take control and try to come up with a plan for the scared people to follow. Too bad it’s usually a stupid plan.

SPOILERS! Seriously. I realize not everyone has done the extensive study of survivalist tactics that your Friendly Neighborhood CultureGhoul has done. But just about everyone’s watched TV, right? So if there’s an apparently airborne toxin, and you’re driving along the road and there are bodies in front of you, you turn around. Come to an intersection and people are coming from every direction – bodies on all the roads. Surrounded by death, airborne, and probably being caused by plants.

What do you do? Hmm. Let’s get out of the car! Let’s stand in the intersection and read maps – OUTSIDE! Then we’ll hike across a field! Yeeeeeah. Many of these people seem to suffer from allergy of the brain-stem.

Shyamalan gets points for adding humor – watching Wahlberg attempt to placate a ficus is possibly the funniest moment I’ve seen in weeks. But unfortunately, Wahlberg is where most of the movie fell down for me. He didn’t need to be a square-jawed, take-charge hero – in fact, it’s interesting that people keep looking to him for leadership, because he’s not a quick thinker or a decisive one. It makes him a real person, maybe, but a lousy hook on which we must hang an entire movie.

I know Wahlberg can do better: THE PERFECT STORM, THE DEPARTED, SHOOTER... It was therefore direction that made him speak as though reciting lines from a teleprompter, though he was saddled with some execrable dialogue – seriously, “stay ahead of the wind”? Night, what are you smoking?

However, Shyamalan movies are creepy, and on that scale, THE HAPPENING delivers. Extra credit to Betty Buckley as an antisocial hermit, whose eyes were scarier when she was quasi-sane than anything the pseudo-zombies did to themselves. Buckley was the original singer of “Memory” in CATS, but don’t hold that against her – she’s been around for decades as a singer and actress, from the original CARRIE to the TV show OZ.

In all, I was thinking more of a zombie apocalypse than THE BIRDS, only Shyamalan’s infected only cause harm to themselves. While that’s terrifying enough, it does not inspire the utter terror that zombies would – we are horrified for them, not of them. And in the end, we are simply not horrified enough.

P.S. If you've seen the movie and/or don't care about spoilers, read the excellent Cleolinda's THE HAPPENING in Fifteen Minutes, a hilarious recap of the movie from someone who didn't like it as much as I did, but is a much funnier writer.

MovieGeek: Prince Caspian

It’s hard to say whether C.S. Lewis would approve of PRINCE CASPIAN: THE VIDEOGAME. But I think he would really enjoy the film adaptation of his novel.

I enjoyed the first movie well enough, but I was not particularly interested in CASPIAN. I must confess that I didn’t really get into the Narnia series past the first book as a youngster. The castle intrigue storyline never really interested me.

But the filmmakers streamlined the novel, intertwining the Pevensies and Caspian earlier and adding a bit of tension between Peter and Caspian. This movie is long and complex and I never really felt that, going along for a highly entertaining ride. The pace is kept up and the humor runs throughout to keep us awake during exposition.

In thinking of the Narnia movies as simple Christian children’s fables, we forget that C.S. Lewis was close friends with J.R.R. Tolkein, both respected Oxford dons and members of the Inklings literary society.

The art direction is simply fantastic, and I must give huge kudos to the fight choreography. This is not the delicate dance of formal swordplay – when Peter faces off against the evil King Miraz, we sense both that Peter is a skilled fighter with many more years than his face suggests, and that this is how men in armor would fight.

All the young actors did an excellent job, working together as a family would and clearly comfortable in their roles. A touch of romance between Caspian and Susan is also a welcome addition – it’s simply natural that these two would take a second look at each other, after all.

Ben Barnes as Prince Caspian carries much of the movie, as the real internal conflict is over his balance of vengeance and justice, of ambition and what is best for the kingdom. Barnes does a competent job, and I expect we will see more of him.

As in the novel, Aslan is reduced to a literal deus ex machina, but we forgive him because he has Liam Neeson’s voice. Extra credit goes to Peter Dinklage as a cynical dwarf who assists the Pevensies and cracked me up three times with his grousing.

In all, I went to PRINCE CASPIAN because CultureGeek Jr. wanted to. His vote, by the way, is that it was “AWESOME!” I did not expect to see one of the best sword-and-sorcery fantasy movies of the past ten years. CASPIAN suffered from only three days in the limelight before Indiana Jones swung in to take over the movie theaters. My advice is to catch it before it disappears.

Note: Douglas Gresham, stepson to C.S. Lewis and executive producer for the movies, cameos as a Telmarine. According to interviews, the creators convinced Gresham to allow Susan’s more active role in the battle by pointing out that Lewis’ attitude toward women changed significantly after he met Joy Gresham. Before his marriage, Lewis tended to cast women in much more passive roles.

MovieGeek: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

How do you review an Indiana Jones movie? When the last one came out, I was in high school, writing reviews for the Bryn Mawrtian.

Look, comparing an Indiana Jones movie to other action movies is like comparing STAR TREK to a Vin Diesel space romp. There's no point of comparison. When Spielberg and Lucas are behind the wheel, you just settle back and enjoy the ride. According to Entertainment Weekly, $126 million from Friday through Sunday would indicate the public agrees, $151 million if you include Wednesday and Thursday's early openings.

I've heard a few whinges about this movie: too much plot, not enough roller derby. Harrison Ford is too old. The plot is too intricate (please, have you people never watched BATTLESTAR GALACTICA?)

I'm sorry to say, the main problem with INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL is... Harrison Ford.

Ow. That hurt to write.

It's not that Ford is too old - we should all be in such shape. It's not that the character isn't written as well (though there's a bit of that - keep Lucas away from the script!). It's that for much of the movie, especially the opening sequence, it's like Ford is phoning in Indiana Jones. The lines are clearly written for Jones, but Ford is saying them like he's someone else.

Yes, he's older, more tired, and apparently has been mostly retired since World War II. Is anyone surprised that the "Part-Time Professor" was up to all sorts of shenanigans against the Nazis? (Now that's a movie I would have liked to see - Indiana Jones as a spy!)

It honestly reminded me of Liam Neeson and Samuel L. Jackson, men of intensity of performance, doing the green-screen dance for George Lucas in the Star Wars prequels. How is it that Lucas can make brilliant actors seem wooden and dull?

Unlike some critics, I liked the undercurrent of the Red Scare and McCarthyism. Unfortunately, it pretty much went nowhere. At first it seemed Spielberg and Lucas were mocking the Red Terror and McCarthyism - always good for mockery - but later, the bad guys are mustache-twirling KGB agents one step removed from Boris and Natasha. Is McCarthyism evil, or was it justified? It's hard to say what the creators were saying.

Then there's the second big problem: the high points of the previous movies were, in my opinion, not a giant cobra or a rolling boulder or an extracted heart or a falling tank.

It was Indiana Jones reaching a near-suicidal depression when he thought Marian Ravenwood was dead. It was watching our hero backhand a young boy he thought of like a son while in the throes of mind control. It was a father explaining his lifelong obsession to his son, and sharing a sad memory of the wife and mother they lost. It was the moment when Henry Jones Sr. realized his son had survived the crash and held him close.

There is, unfortunately, no such moment in this movie. Cataclysmic personal revelations - which you can all guess if you've watched the previews and have half a brain - are dealt with mostly in a comic manner. Putting our heroes at death's door once again should have been remarkably more tension-filled. Surprises were few, and I don't even feel like looking up the physics of the refrigerator thing.

It is not a PHANTOM MENACE, I'm happy to say. There was no point where I looked at my watch or rolled my eyes in disgust. As to the science fiction element - oh, please, people. Magic stones, an eternal-life Grail, the Ark of the Covenant melting Nazis... is it really such a stretch?

But it was clearly Lucasified - stunts performed with special effects, no real sense of danger. And it was the least gross of the four movies. There is a vast difference between watching a real stuntman dragged under a truck and watching pixels dance on the screen, no matter how well-designed. There's a grittiness to the previous movies that has been glossed over here, and it pains me to know that Lucas did consider the old approach... and abandoned it in favor of the new toys.

I agree with FilmThreat.com, which said it doesn't seem to be possible for Lucas to do a movie these days without one-third of it existing solely of pixels. "I realize in this day and age that it’s no longer necessary to go overseas and shoot scenes set in overseas locales... except that’s what they did for the first three movies," the reviewer writs. "Far too much of the film’s second half is a frenetic assault of obvious green screen crapola... and is it really so hard to use actual monkeys? Really?"

That said, Ford and Karen Allen fell back into their old bickering as easily as ever, and Cate Blanchett made for an interesting villain, horrible hairstyle notwithstanding. Shia LeBouef surprised me yet again by perfecting a cocky, improvisational manner that reminds us of a younger man who wore a fedora. There's more than a hint that Mutt Williams could go on to do his own movies... and wouldn't that be fun?

Just don't let Lucas near the script this time.

For a little extra fun, check out Television Without Pity's hilarious indictment of Indiana Jones: Criminal or Scientist?

MovieGeek: Iron Man

IRON MAN
Starring Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges
Directed by Jon Favreau

Confession: I've never read an Iron Man comic. I therefore cannot attest to the comic fidelity of this movie.

That said, it completely rocked.

Perhaps in a better movie year, IRON MAN would have vanished into obscurity. But we've had nothing worth watching for months, so IRON MAN stands out like a red-and-gold giant amidst tin soldiers.

Robert Downey Jr. is perfectly cast as Tony Stark, an alcoholic arms merchant and mechanical genius who goes through the worst of detox clinics: being held captive in Afghanistan by insurgents armed with the very weapons he's been selling.

It's been pointed out that Downey is a good choice to play a brilliant man with, shall we say, personality defects and a poor public image. Confession: Your friendly neighborhood CultureGeek met Mr. Downey on the set of U.S. MARSHALS. He seemed friendly (and sober) enough to me. But that, my friends, is a story for another time.

Upon Stark's (inevitable) escape, via a self-built suit of armor the knights of the Crusades would envy, he sets himself to the task of ridding the "bad guys" of his superweapons, which someone has been selling under the table.

Among comic book movies, it's a step above because it takes notice of real-world issues and hired real actors to deal with them. It is such a relief to see Oscar-nominated actors who take their craft seriously in this kind of movie. (Among the three leads, there are six nominations and one win, Paltrow for SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE.) But among adult movies, it loses a step or two because it deals with said problems in a comic-book fashion: old-fashioned violence!

It's hard to turn off the reporter in me. Where was the Department of Defense or Congressional oversight, following up on Stark Industries' under-table deals? Perhaps the CIA would have something to say about it, eh? The proper course for Tony Stark would be to testify before a Senate subcommittee, not build a supersuit to fight crime and evil terrorists.

This is, of course, where the story also breaks down: comic-book absolute evil, with the bad guys practically wearing black hats and no explanation of who they are and what they fight for, a complex issue in modern Afghanistan. A little more balance would have been good for the grownups.

It also loses several points for Example No. 389853 of a venal journalist. In this case, it's a supermodel working for Vanity Fair, who attacks Stark with his company's record, then abandons her principles in 6.5 seconds to roll in the hay with him. Then she gets huffy when he can't remember her name. Yawn.

But you know? That's okay. No one expected the Fantastic Four to debate the geopolitical complications involved in their multi-nation tour of "kick Silver Surfer off his board," and there was no redeeming factor in Venom vs. Spider-Man. (Ooh, bad example.) It's just that elsewhere, IRON MAN is grownup enough to actually raise these questions.

The dynamic between Jeff Bridges and Downey is strongly paternalistic, funny since they're only 15 years apart. While I could have used less dewy-eyed devotion on Paltrow's Pepper Potts (such a comic-book name!), she holds her own in an honestly nailbiting industrial-espionage showdown. Putting her in harm's way was perhaps inevitable, but it is redeemed by Downey's heart-rending reaction. At least she didn't end up dangled off a bridge.

In all, you don't have to shut off all your brain to enjoy IRON MAN. For that matter, you can bring the kids. There were only two points where I covered CultureGeek Jr.'s eyes, and neither turned out to be graphic enough to require it. More to the point: When Iron Man soared, he leaned forward in excitement, barely restraining himself from leaping up in concert with the hero. By the two-thirds mark, he whispered that "we have got to get this on DVD!"

A final note: Hang out through the credits. There's a snippet at the end you absolutely have to see. Just trust your CultureGeek.

MovieGeek: Take away my bluescreen!

I recall sitting in the venerable Senator Theater in Baltimore on a summer evening in 1991. I was at the movies by myself, because none of my friends wanted to go see some horror-sf sequel called TERMINATOR 2.

But I was enthralled, for a dozen reasons. But one of the most compelling was this new technology they showed us. I ran home afterward and told the Film Professor that he absolutely needed to see this movie - even if it wasn't an exciting story with good acting and a kick-butt heroine unlike any I'd ever seen, it had this neat... morphing thing! Like they were using computers to draw, only making it look real!

T2 was really the nascent birth of CGI, and immediately Hollywood fell in love with it. It's hard to imagine a movie now that doesn't have some kind of computerized effect, whether it's removing Gary Sinese's legs in FORREST GUMP or creating the walking trees of LORD OF THE RINGS. It's allowed us to do movies that never could have been done outside of animation.

And sometimes, it stinks.

Look, I love that we're able to make Aslan speak and Iron Man fly. But sometimes I think we've lost something in this world of Industrial Light and Magic. It's an odd thing to say on the eve of the summer blockbuster season, I know.

When Christopher Reeve donned the red cape in the first SUPERMAN, it may have been a royal pain to spend endless days in a flying harness. But compare those wonderful effects with poor Brandon Routh, who turned into CGI when his boots left the ground. Yes, he could do more interesting things. Yes, he could hover in a Christlike pose soaking in the sun to heal himself. But it just wasn't as real.

And hey, I absolutely loved watching Yoda's two-foot self in a lightsaber battle with Christopher Lee. But somehow the CGI Yoda failed to capture the character the way Jim Henson's puppet did. The puppet can't fight a battle, but it could emote in a way computers simply cannot.

I was thinking about this because we picked up the Indiana Jones Adventure Set. It's remedial viewing, as CultureGeek Jr. needs to be properly prepared for next week's premiere. I covered his eyes during the melting face from RAIDERS, but after he went to bed, I watched the special feature about it.

Turns out they built a fake skull, then layered it with gelatin in various shades of red, veined with blue yarn, and coated with flesh-colored gelatin. Then they used propane heaters to make it melt. It was soft gelatin, but it still took about ten minutes to melt. Then they sped it up to 240 times the speed for the brief shot that made RAIDERS into a horror movie.

The special effects man, explaining how he did this, said if they were to make RAIDERS today, he'd still do it the same way, but clean it up a bit with computers - he can see flaws he'd like to correct. (Nobody tell Lucas - they already removed the obvious pane of glass between Harrison Ford and the asp in the Well of Souls.)

But if they were making RAIDERS today, they wouldn't waste time melting gelatin with propane lamps. A melting face is nothing to the megacomputers of ILM, right? Somehow, though, I just don't think it would have the same impact. There's a reality to a practical effect that we lose in CGI.

As we were watching the movie, I explained to CultureGeek Jr. that the under-the-truck stunt was a real guy. It wasn't a computerized guy - it was a real stuntman doing that. His eyes widened, and he watched the scene with new respect. He's used to the cheat, you see. Nothing impresses him when it's only pixels at risk.

I have no doubt that the summer lineup will give us a visual array to make even the Wachowski Brothers blink twice. The CGI geniuses will put forth their best art for us, and I do appreciate the skill it takes to do this job well.

But sometimes, I wish they'd just melt some Jell-O and see what happens.

MovieGeek: The Dark Knight

What, you were expecting a review? Some critics will get to watch it in advance and write up their opinions before opening night. I'm sure my invitation just got lost in the mail. (Mr. Bale, call me!)

In the meantime, how about the new trailer?

Yummy, eh?

Real content coming soon. But this had to be shared. Especially since I didn't get to see IRON MAN yet, and by reports I trust, it rocked. Stay tuned...

MovieGeek: Summer Roundup!

Hey guys, miss me?

Sorry about the brief hiatus - sometimes real work intervenes. But the summer blockbuster season starts next week - no, I'm not kidding - and so it's time for the annual Big Movie Roundup!

May 1 - IRON MAN
Starring Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard.
Directed by Jon Favreau

A billionaire industrialist is kidnapped and forced to create a weapon, but creates a massive suit of armor and escapes. Thus is born comic hero Iron Man, who has the most wonderful toys since Batman to fight dangerous plots.
Up against: MADE OF HONOR, a romantic comedy with Patrick Dempsey.

May 9 - SPEED RACER
Starring Emile Hirsch, Susan Sarandon, John Goodman
Directed by the Wachowski Brothers

The anime icon comes to the big screen, as the Wachowski brothers turn in their first major project since the Matrix fell into bullet time and stayed there.
Up against: WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS, a romantic comedy with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher.

May 16 - CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN
Starring Peter Dinklage, Anna Popplewell, Georgie Henley, Skandar Keynes
Directed by Andrew Adamson

A year later for the four kids, 1,300 years for Narnia and things are not going well in the alternate universe. The gang comes to the aid of Prince Caspian, heir in hiding, to bring magic and glory back to Narnia.
Up against: RAMBO FIRST BLOOD, re-released in theaters this weekend.

May 22 - INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
Starring Harrison Ford, Shia LeBouef, Karen Allen
Directed by Steven Spielberg

Ford dons the fedora one more time, facing Soviets in South America. (The Nazis finally gave up. Thank goodness - I hate those guys.) If you don't know that Shia LeBouef is probably playing Indy's son, you've been living under a rock for the last fifteen years.
Up against: nothing. No one's that crazy.

May 30 - SEX AND THE CITY
Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis
Directed by Michael Patrick King

Four years after the show ended, where are they now? (Probably watching the Indiana Jones movie.)
Up against: The ghost of Indy, a Liv Tyler horror movie and yet another mocking martial-arts "comedy." Speaking of which...

June 6 - KUNG FU PANDA
Starring Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan
Directed by Mark Osborne, John Stevenson

The animated adventures of Po, a klutzy panda bear training with the masters.
Up against: Adam Sandler as a Mossad agent who fakes his own death to become a New York hairstylist. How do you imagine these things get pitched to movie studios?

June 13 - It's a tie!

THE HAPPENING
Starring Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

The world is ending - for real this time - and a family is on the run from it in the latest outing from the creator of THE SIXTH SENSE, who hopefully has learned not to make fun of movie critics in his movies. Hey, I'm a big fan of the apocalypse.

THE INCREDIBLE HULK
Starring Edward Norton, Liv Tyler
Directed by Louis Leterrier

Long-time comic geek Norton wants to make us all forget that Ang Lee waste of celluloid of several years ago, as Bruce Banner must make peace with his mean green self when "The Abomination" threatens a major city that will probably be New York.

June 20 - GET SMART
Starring Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway
Directed by Peter Segal

Carell attempts to resurrect the bumbling Not-Bond with Agent 99 at his side. Extra credit for guest stars Dwayne Johnson, Terence Stamp and Alan Arkin.
Up against: Mike Myers' THE LOVE GURU, which ought to annoy and/or offend just about everyone.

June 27 - WALL-E
Starring Jeff Garlin, Fred Willard
Directed by Andrew Stanton

The last robot left on earth is... well, alone, as they forgot to turn out the lights when mankind abandoned earth. This latest offering from Disney/Pixar might be the one to break their unprecedented winning streak, unless we see some better promos.
Up against: WANTED, about a slacker cubicle drone who becomes a spy. High star power, but overdone premise.

July 2 - HANCOCK
Starring Will Smith, Charlize Theron
Directed by Peter Berg

Wow. This is the best we can offer for the Fourth of July weekend? Hancock is the anti-hero, a gruff, sarcastic superhero with an image problem. I love Will Smith, but is this a Fourth movie? Jason Bateman plays a PR guy who plans to spruce his image.
Up against: the first American Girl movie.

July 11 - HELLBOY II
Starring Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, David Hyde Pierce
Directed by Guillermo del Toro

The big red guy is back to stop the latest Ruthless Leader and his Unstoppable Army, with plenty of snappy one-liners. At least we hope so.
Up against: JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH 3D, starring Brendan Fraser, and MEET DAVE, Eddie Murphy being run by tiny robots.

July 18 - DARK KNIGHT
Starring Christian Bale, Maggie Gyllenhaal, the late Heath Ledger
Directed by Christopher Nolan

Does anyone NOT know that Ledger died shortly after what is rumored to be a chilling and brilliant turn as the craziest villain in all of comic books? Director Nolan returns, so I'm sure it will be just as cheerful and hilarious as the first one. Yes, that was sarcasm.
Up against: MAMMA MIA, the ABBA musical brought to screen. Yeah. I don't care if it does have Meryl Streep.

July 25 - X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE
Starring David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson
Directed by Chris Carter

Nobody's telling us what's happening in this long-awaited return to the 'Files, except that it ISN'T about the Grand Alien Conspiracy, so thank the Cigarette Smoking Man for that. (No, he's not in it, I don't think.) Anything to wash the taste of the series finale out of our mouths, and no sign of either silly replacement character from the final seasons.
Up against: Will Farrell and John C. Reilly as stepbrothers.

August 1 - THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR
Starring Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello
Directed by Rob Cohen

The first Mummy movie without Rachel Weisz or series creator Stephen Sommers, and without them... can it really be half as much fun? Still, it's got Li as the new mummy cursed by wizard Michelle Yeoh, so it could be worth your time.
Up against: Kevin Costner as a voter whose decision literally decides a presidential election. Ouch, too close to home. Also: A serial killer in New York's subways. Like THAT'S something new.

August 8 - SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2
Starring America Ferrera, Amber Tamblyn
Directed by Sanaa Hamri

I don't think I can take much more. *pokes calendar* It is still summer, right?
Up against: Lazy stoners dealing a new strain that seems to have bad guys on their tails.

August 15 - TROPIC THUNDER
Starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr., Nick Nolte
Directed by Ben Stiller

Self-absorbed actors end up in a real war zone in southeast Asia and don't realize the bullets are real. Because war is funny! Bonus: Robert Downey Jr. in blackface! The only thing it's missing is a cameo from Tom Cruise... wait... no...
Up against: Clive Owen as an interpol agent breaking up an international arms dealer... you know, Bond Lite.

August 22 - BANGKOK DANGEROUS
Starring Nicolas Cage
Directed by Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang

A hit man in China falls in love with a local girl. But the poster makes it look really intense. Also, Cage never lets a summer go by unscathed.
Up against: some kid movie, a few romantic comedies. It's a catch-up week.

August 29 - BABYLON AD
Starring Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh

A mercenary escorts a young woman from Russia to Canada, unaware that she carries a virus that could doom humanity.
Up against: Some teen "comedy" about visiting colleges and getting drunk.

Despite some high points, I'm sadly disappointed. They can't even blame the writers for this. We have week after week with stupid comedies or lackluster "dramas" taking the spots usually reserved for blowing up the world. At least we have Indiana Jones for one more summer crack of the whip, and the Joker will get a chance to scare us.

Have a good weekend! Summer is almost here! (At least at the movies.)