CultureGeek

Heath Ledger Remembered

And the last you'll hear about Mr. Ledger, until there's actually something to report.

The Class Award, offered with no sarcasm whatsoever, goes to Warner Brothers. When you go to the web site for THE DARK KNIGHT and click through, you will see a memorial page for Heath Ledger.

"We mourn the loss of a remarkable talent gone too soon, and the passing of an extraordinary man who will be greatly missed," it reads.

And that's it. Nothing else about the movie. All the pre-movie hype is, for the moment, on hold. Bravo, boys. That is class.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have John Gibson of Fox News Radio, who actually made jokes all through his broadcast the other day. He replayed a clip of Ledger's famous "I wish I knew how to quit you" speech, and quipped, "Well, he found out how to quit you." He found a clip of Ledger saying the line, "We're dead," and played it over and over. He referred to Ledger as a "weirdo."

He apologized the next day, so I guess that makes it all right. He also said he didn't mean to sound "anti-gay and insensitive," and said he didn't see why he should pass up "a good joke." Gee, why would we think that?

Keith Olbermann of MSNBC named Gibson that day's "Worst Person in the World."

We expect this kind of stomach-churning disgust from The Westboro Baptist Church, which intends to picket Ledger's funeral because they have nothing better to do with their time. Sorry, no link, their very WEBSITE TITLE is a slur I cannot and will not use.

I just wonder - are they going to hop a plane to Australia? Because that's where he's going to be buried. Since the Australian prime minister has personally expressed his condolences, I wonder if they'll have a little trouble at the airport? Eh, they'll probably just picket the Hollywood memorial service. Jake Gyllenhaal (godfather to Ledger's daughter) and Christian Bale might have a few fists for them. Those guys work out.

The facts change by the hour and the entertainment press continues to spin its theories, but here at CultureGeek, we're just going to sit back and wait for whatever the final answer is. Or perhaps there will not be one. That, too, is sometimes the legacy of untimely death - no answers.

But a little dignity is not too much to hope for.

Golden Globes Rundown

The interesting thing about the decidedly uninteresting DATELINE special that replaced the Golden Globes was that they talked about everything except the strike.

Isn't DATELINE supposed to be a news show? Instead of having sports guys (??) handicapping the chances of the actors, could we maybe have discussed the artistic and economic impact of the strike? The future of current productions without writers?

Instead, we get the worst in Hollywood pandering without even getting to see the fake "it's okay, I didn't really mind" expressions on the losers. A quick check at Entertainment Weekly's live blog quotes Michael Slezak as saying, "I do miss watching everyone attempt to walk up to the podium in an outfit that doesn't allow for breathing."

Also, I did feel sorry for the Barbie and Ken from Access Hollywood required to read the winners. However, their chatter after every award was much more annoying than the most boring acceptance speech.

Who won? Mostly the same folks in shows and movies I never watched. I have yet to speak to anyone who actually watches 30 ROCK, and yet it wins award after award, telling me that what Hollywood really likes are shows about themselves. Go figure.

Besides, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA was not nominated for anything, which tells me all I need to know. God save the Oscars.

WINNERS: TELEVISION

Best Supporting Actor (television): Jeremy Piven, ENTOURAGE

Best Supporting Actress (television): Samantha Morton, Longford

Best Actress (TV-movie/miniseries): Queen Latifah, LIFE SUPPORT

Best Actress in a TV Series (comedy): Tina Fey, 30 ROCK

Best Actor in a TV Series (comedy): David Duchovny, CALIFORNICATION

Best Actress in a TV Series (drama): Glenn Close, DAMAGES

Best Actor in a TV Series (drama): John Hamm, MAD MEN

Best TV Comedy: EXTRAS

Best TV Drama: MAD MEN

WINNERS: MOTION PICTURE

Best Supporting Actress (movie): Cate Blanchett, I'M NOT THERE

Best Supporting Actor (comedy/musical): Javier Bardem, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

Best Actress (comedy/musical): Marion Cotillard, LA VIE EN ROSE

Best Actor (comedy/musical): Johnny Depp, SWEENEY TODD

Best Director: Julian Schnabel, THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY

Best Actress (drama): Julie Christie, AWAY FROM HER

Best Actor (drama): Daniel Day-Lewis, THERE WILL BE BLOOD

Best Animated Film: RATATOUILLE

Best Picture (comedy/musical): SWEENEY TODD

Best Picture (drama): ATONEMENT

Geek News: Golden Globes canceled

Right off the bat, let's hit the big one: The Golden Globes are canceled. Yup, there will be no televised awards ceremony, speeches, clips or shots of Jack Nicholson laughing as someone cracks a joke about him. The Screen Actors Guild encouraged its members not to attend, as the writers' guild declined to make an exception and no one could write for the show.

Now it will be a news conference on Sunday, which might be televised. Who wins is now irrelevant - the show is the story. Best quote came from George Clooney, who told reporters he belongs to six unions and will not cross picket lines: "Our hope is that all of the players involved will lock themselves in a room and not come out until they finish. We want this to be done." Everyone's nervous about the Oscars: they have never cancelled the ceremony, though it was postponed one day in 1981 after the attempted assassination of President Reagan. One thing's for sure: We all know now how much Hollywood runs on writers, even when they stink.

-----

Speaking of awards, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN won 13 Critics' Choice Awards Monday night, including best picture, best director for the Coen brothers and best supporting actor for Javier Bardem. Best actress went to Nikki Blonsky for HAIRSPRAY, JUNO won best comedy and Daniel Day-Lewis won best actor for THERE WILL BE BLOOD. George Clooney presented the first-ever Joel Siegel Award for humanitarian work to Don Cheadle.

-----

Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert joined the rest of the late-night crew in returning without writers. Stewart changed the title of his show to "A Daily Show With Jon Stewart" instead of "THE Daily Show." Check out Time.com's story for a hilarious description of Colbert's antics. Alas, the boys returned without writers, and were picketed by Guild members. Still, it seems as Guild members themselves, Stewart and Colbert are not allowed to write. Therefore the boys will be ad-libbing until the writers come back.

-----

Holy Angry Critics, Batman! Endlessly-promoted horror movie ONE MISSED CALL has a ZERO PERCENT rating on Rotten Tomatoes. That means not a single critic in the wide pantheon of tomato-throwers* liked the movie. Usually I can count on the bad reviews for good puns and snark, but either the critics are all nursing hangovers, or the movie was so abominably bad they couldn't bring themselves to be witty.

-----

In the category of "are you kidding me?", Shock Til You Drop reports that Richard Matheson has signed off sequel rights for I AM LEGEND. Yes, that means they could write a sequel to the end of the world. Well, given how they trashed the end of the end of the world... still. I hope Mr. Matheson got a good payday.

* Which sadly does not include your Friendly Neighborhood CultureGeek

Geek News!

First off: some behind the scenes fun from INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL, along with a geeksquee-worthy picture of George Lucas, Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg. An added bonus: Cate Blanchett in her villain pose and Shia LeBouef and Karen Allen in a very, very familiar set. Squeeee! P.S. The latest sign Lucas is insane! As he reviewed the MacGuffins* of the movies, the Ark was perfect, the stones were "too esoteric," and... the Holy Grail was feeble? Not enough power behind it? Um. Tell that to King Arthur, George. As the Film Professor said, the Holy Grail is the ultimate MacGuffin of all literature. Go back to playing with your action figures.

Legendary fantasy author Peter S. Beagle speaks to Omnivoracious' Jeff VanderMeer about his memories of A FINE AND PRIVATE PLACE, true vs. fake medieval in fantasy and new stuff he's got coming out this year. It's worth your read.

Please note: next week are the People's Choice Awards! You're too late for most of the categories, but three are being left open until award night. Speak now or forever put up with AMERICAN IDOL.

Here's an interesting bit: Generation Y is the nation's biggest user of U.S. libraries. That would be the generation younger than me, and 62 percent of those aged 18-30 have visited a library in the past year. Funny enough, use declines by age until only 32 percent of those over 72 have visited a library in the last year. Yes, some of that is internet access, but come on - those over 72 are the least likely to have their own computers and those under 30 are the most likely.

Only geeks do Dungeons and Dragons, right? Tell that to Vin Diesel. (No, really. Say it and let me watch.) I think I'd read somewhere that Riddick himself is a ginormous Dungeonmaster. But I had no idea he played with Karl Urban and Judi Dench. What are you looking at? I cannot make this stuff up. Oh, and scan to the bottom for a photo of a very young Diesel breakdancing, from the time he was a street performer. Again, not making this up.

Whiplash Award goes to Skies Unlimited, a Pakistani film company that announced a biopic of assassinated prime minister Benazir Bhutto within six days of her death. Geez, and they're not even in Hollywood.

And finally, the Stephen King Movie Award** goes to the yutzes who broke into the former home of poet Robert Frost. It looks like an underage drinking party out of hand, with dozens of items destroyed and furniture set on fire. The Frost home is open to visitors in the summer and closed in the winter. Police are seeking the little [CENSOREDS] who did this. CultureGeek has to be quiet now or lose her temper.

* A MacGuffin, by the way, is an item of intrinsic power or value around which the plot revolves, made popular by the late great Alfred Hitchcock. The classic is the Maltese Falcon, because everyone is striving to kill or die for it, but what it is or does... who cares? Any of James Bond's little codebreaking devices that could end the Cold War, the letters of transit in CASABLANCA, any plot-device object that is only important in that everyone wants it. You know. The schtuff that dreams are made of.
** The meaning of the award? Someone who does something so blasphemous they're just asking for a Stephen King movie to happen to them.

Geek News - with bulletin from Middle-Earth!

And throughout Middle-Earth, there was much rejoicing. Entertainment Weekly reports that New Line and Peter Jackson have sent each other fruit baskets, kissed and made up. THE HOBBIT is a go at last and production begins immediately for a 2010 release with Jackson producing, but it looks like he's going to pass up the director's spot. There is no script adaptation, though, which means they'll have to do some tapdancing around the strike. Paging Gandalf to the mediation table.

The success of the peanut campaign that brought back JERICHO has spurred a remarkable new trend: mail things to the studios when you don't like their decisions! As WGA supporters mail pencils to the AMPTP, fans of the best new show on TV, JOURNEYMAN, are mailing Rice-a-Roni to NBC. Many are attaching creative "letters from the future," ostensibly about the decline of Western civilization after this terrific show was canceled.* Why Rice-a-Roni? Hey, it's the San Francisco treat!

In the category of "People Who Have Too Much Time On Their Hands And Thank God For It," someone has collected seven minutes worth of lame David Caruso one-liners from opening sequences of CSI: MIAMI.** It wears thin after a few minutes and a few at the end are less funny, but it's worth your time. Of course, I never pass up a chance to mock CSI or David Caruso, but it's absolutely hilarious to see him putting on and taking off his glasses over and over, delivering lame snark and obvious observations as the scream of the opening song goes "Yeaaaaah!" in between each one. Hee! There's also the shorter Sunglasses Edition. Double hee!

Sorry, the WGA is not making an exception for the Oscars or the Golden Globes. All those presenters are going to have to make up their own banter. This actually may be an improvement. As blogger Yendi points out, if the people writing the last few years are in the WGA, they should be kicked out. I'm sad to say they may not legally be allowed to use clips in the Oscar telecast, either. As Associated Press's Alex Billington wrote, "An Oscars show without clips would be like a basketball game without basketball." Hey, maybe they'll do a dance number. P.S. Jon Stewart is hosting the Oscars. At least there's one guy who knows how to be funny on his feet.

The Onion has nominated its picks for worst films of 2007. They are, in order: NORBIT, EPIC MOVIE, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS (not the Heston; an alleged CGI version that looks like "The Sims Do the Bible"), GOOD LUCK CHUCK, SYDNEY WHITE, DADDY DAY CAMP, LIONS FOR LAMBS (hey!), GEORGIA RULE, ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE (HEY!!!), THE NUMBER 23, SMOKIN ACES, REVOLVER, WILD HOGS, WHAT WOULD JESUS BUY?, THE SALON, THE SEEKER (sadly agreed). Some of these movies I have thankfully never heard of, and I've Heyed the ones I'd still give a shot.

* It is NOT canceled yet, but a full season has not been ordered. Save this show!
** Warning: Some of CSI's trademark gross deaths are seen in the video.

Geek News!

Good news for Browncoats! Firefly lives! A new comic series begins in March from Dark Horse Comics, set in the early years of the crew after their first successful heist. Yes, Joss Whedon's writing. For real fans, there's the Serenity lunch box. A collector's item! Hee! Speaking of which... do you really WANT a Reaver ship Christmas ornament? Seriously? Are your kids in therapy yet?

The best show you're not watching: I didn't read beyond the first paragraph, but it looks like JOURNEYMAN creator Kevin Falls is hedging his bets on the Best New Show on TV and will answer some of our questions about Dan's ability to time-travel in episodes 11 and 12. The original plan was to make all the people Dan saved this year connected somehow in a Rube Goldberg finale, which would have totally ROCKED and I'm so annoyed that now we won't get the chance. Canceled or not, they're planning for the worst and will tell us far too much before vanishing for the winter break.

Here's a shock: GIRLFRIENDS has been on the air for eight seasons. No kidding. The CW comedy about close-knit L.A. women is the longest-running live-action comedy on prime time. It's the second-highest-rated comedy among black viewers, after its own spinoff, THE GAME. It is just behind THE COSBY SHOW for most episodes produced for a black sitcom. That's significant even when you consider that there are only three prime-time comedies with a predominantly black cast - though there are more black actors on TV than ever, thanks mostly to cable.

I'm not even going to try to compete with FlyNet's headline: The Truth is in Vancouver. The new X-Files movie is shooting and David Duchovny is hamming the candids. I am doing my best to remain unspoiled, but whatever Chris Carter has concocted for the intrepid duo has GOT to be better than the way the series ended. For that matter, can we find a way to resurrect the Lone Gunmen? It's science fiction, nobody dies forever...

Big shock: AVATAR is running behind schedule. That would be the giant James Cameron sf piece that's supposed to remake filmmaking (again). It'll be out Dec. 18, 2009 - the same date TITANIC hit screens in 1997. In its place, Fox will release NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2: ESCAPE FROM THE SMITHSONIAN. What, you didn't know there was a sequel? It made $500 million, of course there's a sequel.

Should I try to surprise you? Of course, if you're a fan of the Wheel of Time series, you already know that author Brandon Sanderson has been selected to finish the 12th novel in the famous fantasy series penned by the late Robert Jordan. Jordan was working on the final book of the series when he died, and apparently dictated an outline of the end in his final days. I almost feel sorry for Sanderson - this is a thankless job. A MEMORY OF LIGHT is scheduled for publication in fall 2009.

Norma Rae vs. the Networks

Or something like that.

It looks like the Hollywood writers' strike is really going to happen. The Writers Guild of America is the primary union for scriptwriters in Hollywood. After three months of negotiation, the committee has recommended to the body that they go on strike. The contract expired on Halloween.

What does this mean for us out in TV Land? According to the New York Times, the first impact will be felt on late-night talk shows like David Letterman and The Daily Show, in which monologues and skits are churned out on a daily basis. Next will come soap operas, which operate on about a two-week time lag, and then TV series and movies will begin to shut down.

Oh, and directors and actors are up for renewal in June. The last writers' strike was in 1988, and it lasted five months.

The Times describes an industry in turmoil, with DVD sales, changing viewerships and the growth of online entertainment* constantly redefining the entertainment industry. The writers want to be paid when their work is redistributed on DVD, internet, cell phones, etc. The corporations refused.

* I lied. The Times does not really address online entertainment beyond a mention of reselling existing material. But I see bigger changes than that. We saw the first sign of insanity when NBC suddenly decided it would not allow iTunes to sell episodes of its TV shows because iTunes wouldn't let them raise the price. Because iTunes isn't crazy and NBC is. At $1.99 an episode, you'll buy a few eps to see if you like it, then BUY THE DVD. Either way, you win. Raise the price, and sales drop. Simple as that. And don't discount the slow-but-steady growth of web series, web comics, independents making a name for themselves on the 'net...

It's a weird new world, baby.

I'm not surprised the guild - made up of 72 percent men, 93 percent white and lots of 'em rich - and the producers - don't even speculate how rich THOSE white men are - are having a hard time keeping up. Me too, and I'm a decidedly un-rich female who, by the way, ain't in the union.

Lest you think the strike will only affect spoiled millionaires in California, consider how much showbiz contributes. According to the times, try $30 billion a year - or 7 percent of the total economy - for Los Angeles County. Which kind of had some other fires to put out this year. There's some interesting interviews with dry-cleaners and nurseries in L.A. that rely totally on productions to stay alive.

The TRANSFORMERS sequel will likely be delayed. The HEROES: ORIGINS spinoff has been indefinitely postponed. Movies in development now will be pushed as late as 2009.

Book publishers will get stingy if they won't have scriptwriters to adapt them for the screen. Yikes, they won't even be writing the snark for the Oscars, which means those brave, intelligent actors are... on their own.

Worst of all... more reality TV. [starwars]Noooooooo![/starwars]

Wait and see...

Geek News!

DR. WHO fans are dorking out over rumors that the BBC is planning a feature film from the rejuvenated franchise - and that former companion Rose Tyler (Billie Piper), whom I considered the best part of the few episodes I saw, may join in. The series is taking time off between seasons four and five, but David Tennant - the current Doctor - will be working with the Royal Shakespeare Company during that time. No one knows if he will return to the Doctor, for movie or TV, after doing Hamlet. The season finale aired Friday on our side of the pond.

Meanwhile, definitive proof that America has lost all its taste, GOSSIP GIRL is the first new show to get a full-season order. This should further prove that you should watch what you Tivo - ratings also include DVR showings of shows watched within six days of the first broadcast, and that bumped GOSSIP GIRL up 9 percent, according to Variety. iTunes shows two GOSSIP GIRL episodes among the service's top five most downloaded TV episodes. It's a whole new world, folks. And I guess we get more teen soaps...

REMAKE(s) OF THE DAY: Because everyone was just so thrilled with Rob Zombie's remake of HALLOWEEN, Paramount has decided that no classic cannot be remade! So Jason Voorhees is coming up out of hell to take another stab (pardon the expression) at the box office. The hockey mask rose last in 2003 for FREDDY VS. JASON, and I was sooo disappointed in that. (Not as disappointed as in ALIEN VS. PREDATOR, but that's another rant.) Hilariously, Entertainment Weekly has two headlines right next to each other: "Tarantino may direct next Jason flick" and "Tarantino won't direct FRIDAY THE 13th sequel." Hee! Apparently they wanted Tarantino, but amazingly, he declined. Camp Crystal Lake will reboot, without Zombie's time spent on "Mike Myers' youth,"* according to producer Brad Fuller. "We're not going to do that," Fuller slimes. "We want it to be horrifying and fun. It'll be nice to have Jason run around and chase people again." Wow! I'm sold! /sarcasm

Runner-up: What should be the next major TV remake of the old classics, now that BATTLESTAR GALACTICA has soared, BIONIC WOMAN is holding her own and the movie theaters are filling up with remakes? Um, KNIGHT RIDER. NBC has greenlit a two-hour pilot produced and directed by Doug Liman of THE BOURNE IDENTITY and MR. AND MRS. SMITH, which means it might not entirely suck. It's been 25 years since David Hasselhoff donned the black leather and drove the Corvette-inspired talking car. Apparently, the new car will shapeshift, and there may be evil cars opposite K.I.T.T...

* Note to Mr. Fuller: MICHAEL Myers wore the William Shatner mask in HALLOWEEN. MIKE Myers used to be on Saturday Night Live and played Austin Powers. One is infinitely more scary than the other, though GOLDMEMBER might have changed my mind...

CultureGeek: Avast, ye bilge rats!

Arrr! It be Talk Like a Pirate Day, mateys! Yo ho ho and and a bottle of rum!

Note to mehearties: It be fun ter talk like a pirate; it be really hard to TYPE like a pirate. Though the Dread Pirate CultureGeek be tempted to answer her phone today by saying "Arr!" or "Avast!", methinks ye olde News-Democrat may not be in favor of such shenanigans. As well that the rum be gone, for methinks ye olde company handbook have somethin' ter say about that.

But as it be Talk Like a Pirate Day, it be the perfect opportunity ter discuss the St. Louis Pirate Festival, underway this month. Ye olde Wentzville fairgrounds become Fort Royal, Martinique, and the little knaves be running about learning the lore o' the pirates, and maybe a touch of real history, if'n it be permitted.

For we all know the pirates of yesteryear be far more scurvy knaves than that feller Johnny Depp played, reprehensible barbarians of the first water and mutinous dogs ter boot. There be no more reality to our swaggering sailors than there be in Western movies bringin' the romance ter the Old Wild West. What we celebrate with silliness, me landlubbers, is the mythology, the CULTURE, if ye will, that those knaves with imaginations have built over the centuries. Savvy?

Among the rapscallions be performin' at the fest:

• Three Pints Gone, a trio of Celtic folk singers
• Melissa Purvis, Celtic harpist
• Bounding Main, sea chanties and maritime ballads
• Captain Thom Bedlam, purveyor of magical mayhem and "vastly inaccurate knowledge"
• Swords and Roses, a singing, sword-swinging sister act

There also be food, games, demonstrations and a plethora of merchants. Did ye harken after a lady's snood or an authentic pirate hat - for what is a pirate without his hat? - or perhaps something from Pyrate Leatherworks? Ye can grab some grog at Arrbucks Coffee (nay, I did not make that up) or pelt a pirate with a tomato at Veggie Justice.

But of course the costumed folks strolling about ye olde fairgrounds be the best reason to haul up anchor for the fest. Whether ye be looking for a festival with a twist, or ye have little ones waving (foam) swords, CultureGeek can report last year's shindig was a highlight of the year, and CultureGeek Junior be jumping up and down with pirate hat in hand. Methinks if'n we be marooned at the fest, CultureGeek Junior be the happiest little privateer on the seven seas of... Missouri.

Ye Pirate Festival be going on 10 a.m ter 6 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays this weekend and next. Adult pirates be $12, students and seniors be $9 and little sailors under 12 be $6. Stowaways five and under be free. Go ter the festival web site if ye want a $2-off coupon and directions ter the Fest, or ye shall surely walk the plank!

A last CultureGeek PSA: Gentlemen of the sea, Dread Pirate CultureGeek does not recommend using the pickup lines on Talk Like a Pirate Day's web site. Ye likely will be run through. Safety first!

Geek News!

In the category of World-Class Stupidity By a Major Network (always a crowded category) I offer you NBC, which is considering NOT offering its shows on iTunes anymore. Apparently NBC is worried about piracy controls and wants to increase its prices, while Apple (which is NOT run by 20th-century morons whose neckties have cut off blood flow to their brains) knows that increasing the prices will squelch sales. When everything costs a buck, nobody will buy a show for $2.99.

So NBC's going to thumb its nose at the wave of entertainment future. Unless NBC wakes up before December, THE OFFICE, HEROES, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and any other show owned by the NBC Universal conglomerate will no longer be available on the single most popular internet source for entertainment. Nobody listens to me... Rumor elsewhere: They're going to sell on Amazon instead. Uh huh. Because that's where I download to my (nonexistent) iPod! /sarcasm

----

Stuart Beattie, who wrote COLLATERAL and the PIRATES movies, will write G.I. JOE. The toy-based action flick will be directed by Stephen Sommers of the MUMMY movies and release is expected in 2009...

----

There was some discussion at Dragoncon this year about when artists have a responsibility to address world issues and when it seems exploitative of real-world tragedy to do so. A case in point: HOLY TERROR, BATMAN! An incredibly insensitive title does not bode well for Frank Miller's pending graphic novel, in which Batman defends Gotham City from al-Qaeda. Miller has outright called it propaganda, in which Batman "kicks al-Qaeda's..." um, I'm not allowed to say. The general response of the comic community has been, "Wow, is that tasteless." Stay tuned...

----

Finally, be watching in the coming weeks for previews of upcoming shows! Yes, the new shows will be premiering this month, many of them next week or the week after, and CultureGeek will tell you what you should watch! But then, I picked JERICHO over HEROES last year, so what do I know? (That said, the JERICHO reruns have really got me. That's another post.)

Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel...